When you are a mom of adult kids who are off living a life of their own, a driveway full of cars is a sight to behold. A full driveway means a full house, and a full house means a full heart.
I made sure to capture this picture over the holidays when all three kids and my oldest son’s fiancé were home. My mom heart had some words to share about what it means to be an empty nester, and I figured this pic would be a good starting point.
The soul of a momma whose kids are grown carries a profound ache of loneliness.
I’m beginning to think that the word empty has nothing to do with nest and everything to do with our hearts. There really aren’t words to describe what it feels like when we find ourselves wandering around our house and realize only memories echo off the walls.
It’s definitely not a bad thing because we spend our entire motherhood lives preparing our kids to be independent. We want them to be successful, healthy, and able to support themselves and follow their dreams. Nothing brings us more joy than seeing them happy and walking in their own stride.
It’s also definitely not an easy thing because we spend our entire motherhood lives loving on our kids like there’s no tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes.
But there is hope for us.
As a mom of three in their 20s, the moments I can spend with my adult kids are filled with newfound treasures that I never anticipated. Being able to have adult conversations about life and hearing our grown-up kids share their perspectives on important topics is a gift. If we are mindful, the collateral beauty of these conversations goes a forever way to keep us company long after our kids leave home again.
For starters, I am enamored with who my children are becoming in a world full of so many challenges.
Listening to them share their hopes, concerns, solutions, and ideas inspires me. We have so much to learn from our adult kids if we are open and curious about seeing things from various vantage points. They are growing up in such a different world than we did at their age.
I’ve made it a point to be available to all three of my kids whenever they need me, and I’m always reaching out in big and small ways to keep the lines of communication open. Even if we are just sharing hilarious Snapchats or outrageous memes, it’s connection—and it fills the empty.
At the end of the day, I think we should never lose sight of the importance of the village.
I’m not talking about how it takes a village to raise a child, but rather it takes a village to care for the village. Especially a village of mommas of adult kids. We need one another. Maybe now more than ever because our worries and concerns are long, wide, far, and deep. The adage, little kids, little problems and big kids, big problems is spot on.
One is the loneliest number. So even if there’s only two of us leaning on each other, it makes life a bit easier.
xo
Thanks for sharing your story. Both my boys have left home. One is 30 this year and married, the other is 28 and marrying next year. I’m unbelievably proud they are nice people, have great careers and chosen partners that make them happy but I miss them being little. I never believed it when people used to say “they won’t be little forever” but it’s so true. Time flies. I have many friends and interests so it’s not like I wander around the house thinking of my boys constantly, but I do find myself reminiscing more, maybe it’s my age. The main thing I found the hardest, was not being needed anymore, but at the same time, happy they have met their soulmates to share their lives with.
I’m making a conscious effort to focus on the upcoming events I can share with my kids and enjoy a different kind of relationship with them. More equal maybe?
Daisy Palmer….I so relate to your statement of not “feeling needed anymore”. This has been the most difficult for me as well.
Oh I am in exactly the same place as you..3 kids all in their 20’s – unbelievably in awe of them and how they are making their ways in the world. I’m extremely fortunate we are in touch daily over all things great and small and they continue to indulge my efforts to get everyone together, even though we live in 3 different cities. I have come to realise ( and am taking the very first steps onto the path to acceptance) that when they are little we feel like as mothers we make so many sacrifices…the ultimate one it seems though is letting them go, and by the time we realise that its too late…and all is quiet.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart, Daisy. I hear everything you are saying. It is a different relationship when they become adults—definitely more equal from my perspective. Thai is what makes it most rewarding for me. To see my kids as grown ups who have so much wisdom and insight to share with me. It’s kinda nice being in the other side. Although nothing prepares our momma heart for the ache of their absence. Much love…
OMG you are so right?my youngest 29 this year just moved cross country to California,I’m devastated.We talk all the time but it’s not tbe same!?