Nobody warns you about the fours. NO ONE. They should come with a warning label and flashing lights, defiant 4 year old ahead.
Everybody knows about the terrible twos. And threenagers. But 4 year olds, in all their defiant 4 year old glory? *Whispers* Nobody tells you.
It’s probably to ensure the whole survival of the human race thing.
4 year olds are special. And by special I mean awesome. Mostly. Well, sometimes. They can pretty much dress themselves, laugh hysterically at fart jokes, and give you the world’s biggest hugs. They are cute and hilarious and snuggly. Except when they’re not. Lord help us all.
Because lurking beneath the surface of your 4T? Is a defiant 4 year old ready to unleash the wrath of Khan all over your sorry ass.
If you have ever heard the battle cry of a defiant 4 year old, know, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Cries which include, but are not limited to:
“You’re not the boss of me!”
“No!”
“I’ll do it myself!”
“You’re a big fat poopy head!”
And within those little bodies with their flailing arms, clenched fists, stomping feet, and beet red faces? Are great big super powers.
7 Super Powers of a Defiant 4 Year Old
A Defiant 4 Year Old Has Superhuman Endurance
Think you have what it takes to go up against a defiant 4 year old? Think all those sleepless nights and terrible two tantrums prepared you for this? Bahahahaha. Think again. You are merely a sprinter. Your defiant 4 year old? Is a 26.2 mile marathon machine.
Every other rational human being: I’m tired. Let’s just call a truce and get on with our day.
Defiant 4 year old: Bring it on, Captain Underpants. I could do this all day.
A Defiant 4 Year Old Harnesses ALL THE POWER of NO
A defiant 4 year old has no problem looking you dead in the eye and saying “NO.” They feel no pity or remorse or sense of “Hey, mommy looks kinda weird, like her head may explode. Maybe I should give her a break and just do what she asks.” They are RELENTLESS. They take NO prisoners.
Please put on your shoes. NO. Get ready for bed. NO. Eat your supper. NO. Please put that toy down. NO. Okay, it’s time to go now. NO. We have to wear pants. NO.
No, no, no, no, no. Do you struggle with telling people no? Want to learn how to do it? Just hang out with a 4 year old for 5 minutes.
A Defiant 4 Year Old is Always Right
Even when they are not. There is no arguing with a defiant 4 year old. I know. You’ll try. You’ll attempt to reason with them. You will think to yourself, “there must be at least ONE rational bone in this little body.” There is not. Just accept it. Because you, mere mortal, know nothing.
Every other rational human being: “You need to go back to sleep. It’s the middle of the night. It’s dark. The stars are out. The moon is out. GO TO BED.”
Defiant 4 year old: “It is NOT the middle of the night. It is morning. That is the sun. Not the moon.”
A Defiant 4 Year Old is Extremely Unpredictable
Just when you think you know what their favorite, go-to dinner is? Think again. Sure, yesterday and the day before and all last week they loved grilled cheese (with the crusts cut off, obviously, because, hello, they have culinary standards). Today? Today they HATE grilled cheese. Grilled cheese is the worst. They will never eat another grilled cheese sandwich. Ev-eeeeer.
Until tomorrow. When they will throw your homemade macaroni onto the floor and demand to have grilled cheese.
A defiant-4-year-old’s nonsensical demands and constantly shifting wants and needs will give you chronic whiplash.
A Defiant 4 Year Old Will Make You Question Yourself
They will make you question your own sanity. And your ability to parent. And whether you should even consider yourself an adult.
Defiant 4 year olds will make you start to question what reality even IS.
They will have you sobbing into your cold coffee, wishing for the day to just end already. But then you will find yourself sneaking into their bedroom at night to watch them sleep, wishing time would slow down, just a little.
A Defiant 4 Year Old is a Shapeshifter
A 4 year old has the ability to morph from your sweet, loving angel baby into a raging lunatic within 1.3 milliseconds. Like the Incredible Hulk. But without turning green. You walk into a store. Your 4-year-old is the picture of perfection. You are smiling. Your 4 year old is smiling. And then? Then they are not. They are screaming. Flailing. Grunting. Whining.
You attempt to diffuse the beast. You placate, you yell, you whisper. There is no diffusing. There is only insanity. All hope is lost.
A Defiant 4 Year Old Has Superhuman Strength
Ever try to carry a writhing, screaming defiant 4-year-old out of a store? Yeah, good luck with that. They may appear weak, when they are facedown on the ground, screaming bloody murder, writhing around like a boneless jellyfish. But do not be fooled. Within that little body is a rock solid mass of fournado fury.
They think heavy. Therefore they ARE heavy. They are strong. Like bull.
Life with a defiant 4 year old is hard. But being a 4 year old? Is HARDER. They are still just trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in this big, old world. 4 year olds are constantly testing boundaries and limitations, and your own sanity.
You will remind yourself a gazillion times a day that you are raising a strong, independent, resilient human being who will eventually use their powers for good, and not evil. At least, that’s what you’ll keep telling yourself. Because, really, how else will you survive life with a fournado?