To the Mother trying to do everything…
You cannot do everything, so choose wisely what you do.
Trying to do everything leaves you feeling like a failure, because it is physically impossible to do it all, and do it all well. I know there is always something that needs doing, always a place to be, always a phone call to make, always a load of laundry to be dried, always a grocery trip that needs going on, always a uniform to iron, always a meal to prepare, and always a bill to pay., but take it in your stride, and do not use it as the measurement of your motherhood. Loving your children makes you a very successful momma already!
With your last breath I can guarantee that you will not regret never reaching the end of your laundry basket, or leaving your shelves dusty and unorganised, but you will regret all those times you didn’t snuggle down for a story, or the time you were too busy for a cuddle, or the time you chose vacuuming over dancing to silly songs. Life is far too short to waste worrying about trivial things. And in comparison to a child, the majority of everyday life is pretty trivial.
Your house can be clean and tidy without hours a day being used to scrub, polish, mop, and organise. There’ll be plenty of time for that when the kiddies have flown the nest. Being a sahm doesn’t mean you are expected to look after kids, be a cleaner, and also a chef. Looking after the kids is your primary role, and it s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do if I am totally honest. Being a working momma doesn’t mean when you arrive home you need to cram as many household chores in before bedtime, relax a little, read your babies a story, the dust can wait, the groceries can be ordered online.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with everything that needs accomplishing, and I feel like my house is forever messy, but do any of those things matter in comparison to creating a childhood full of love, memories and precious time together? Not in the slightest, no.
It’s time to give yourself a break, and understand that you cannot do everything, so choose the most important things, your children. Dust is here today, cleaned today, and back tomorrow, but this day with your kids will never return. Make the most of it. Break your chores up into manageable twenty minute slots, you’ll feel less overwhelmed but still like you’re accomplishing something chores wise.
I know being a momma is chaotic, believe me I know, but it’s a precious chaos that one day we will sorely miss.
Plan a couple of cheap, quick activities for the week with your kids – homemade play dough is easy, bake some cakes, paint a picture, make a tent, have an indoor treasure hunt, play hide and seek, dance, look for birds, make bird food, go puddle jumping, anything, just do something. Your kids will love this time with you. Set aside 15 minutes two or three times a week to do something like this with them, and let them know, they’ll be so excited about these times. You don’t have to be crafty, or arty, or super mum, you just have to be present in the moment – that’s good enough and all your children need.
Don’t feel guilty when you lose it, when you yell, when you cry, when you feel like a failure. Motherhood is hard, and it is a competitive world out there with perfect parenting thrown in your face everywhere you turn, but none of that matters. There are no perfect parents out there, we are all losing our shiz, it is just that some are better at hiding it than others. You don’t need to be all of these other mums you see, you are you, and as long as you try your best then that is the momma your kids need.
You were the one cut out for job at hand, nobody else. Remember this.
Please give yourself a break from being everything and doing everything, choose the most important things, after all that is all that will matter in your memories one day.
This post originally appeared on Swords & Snoodles.
Becci is a 33-year-old mum to two young boys. She has a passion for writing and often refers to it as her therapy. Becci blogs over at swordsandsnoodles.co.uk. She shares her highs, her lows, the good times, the hysterical times and everything else that goes alongside parenting. Becci is very honest, brutally honest, and prides herself on this. Not only is Swords & Snoodles a parenting website, it also features mental health issues and experiences with children who have additional needs, alongside crafts, lifestyle and travel posts.