Parenting is tough. We have expectations for ourselves, our partners, and our kids. And, apparently society has expectations of us too. But don’t worry, it’s different if you’re a mom vs. if you’re a dad.
If you’re a dad, you can be applauded for just being a dad. But if you’re a mom, you won’t be praised for doing what society expects you to do; be a good mom.
Sound familiar?
I hate going into stores with my baby because strangers come very close to the stroller and make faces or comments towards my child. (Yes, they try to get close to her even though we’re in a pandemic).
I usually backup the stroller or make a comment and walk away. When I asked my husband how he deals with this, he looked puzzled then told me it never happens to him.
Why? Because I’m the mom and I should be more approachable with our kids? Or because he’s the dad he should be more protective of our kids?
This is called a double standard.
As parents, we all know there’s a strong double standard between moms and dads.
But that doesn’t make it okay. It’s an insult to both parents. It seems like society expects moms to behave a certain way and dads to behave another.
Mary Catherine Starr, creator of @momlife_comics on Instagram gets it and she’s sick of it. One of her recent comics went viral, because the pictures are way-too-relatable and parents everywhere LOVE IT.
The post, titled “An illustrated guide to the double standards of parenting” has over 65,000 likes and it’s been shared on thousands of channels garnering over 150,000 likes on some shares.
(Warning: they’ll make you laugh, but then they might make you say “wait a sec…”)
Her caption about this obvious double standard reads:
“This is not a dig at dads,” wrote Mary Starr in the caption. “It’s a dig at our society—a society that applauds dads for handling the most basic of parenting duties + expects nothing short of perfection from mothers (or even worse, shames them for every decision and/or move they make!).
This series of comics has *obviously* sparked a lot of conversation online, rallying parents everywhere to share their own experience with double standards.
“So true. I was at my kids field trip and the teacher said, “We are so glad the dads could get off work to come!” I’m thinking like…. Ummmm I work too, lady.”
And, let’s not forget that double standards don’t just affect two parents who are a couple, it hits single parents too. As one Instagram user wrote:
“This hit a nerve with so many women! I was a single mom living in an apartment. Next door – a single dad.
Neighbors felt so bad for him that they helped him with his laundry, brought over food, and babysat. For nothing. I just shakily carried on somehow. And I had so much less money and opportunities.”
Why do we fawn over a dad for doing his job as a parent, but we just expect a mom to parent because she’s the mom? Not okay, folks.
One of the best Instagram comments that summarizes the double standard is this:
“No one ever gives me any accolades and I can tell you, the emotional labor I bear is more than my husband. He is a good dad, but I never get any acknowledgment for everything I do. It’s because it’s “expected.” Well, I “expect” him to be involved because why shouldn’t he? We have a child together.”
We are all sick and tired and so over the double standard.
Having a child together means you should both (theoretically) take care of the child together. So here’s a solution: let’s cheer BOTH moms and dads on in this crazy, draining, overwhelming and beautifully challenging job we call parenting.
We don’t need to make parenting more difficult than it already is. Amiright?
