Remember the other day when you were just going about your business with your kids in tow and people everywhere just kept showering you with praise saying what an amazing parent you are and your partner is so lucky to have you?
Haha just kidding. That never happened.
Remember when your babies’ daddy was just going about his business with the kids in tow and people everywhere just kept showering him with praise saying what an amazing parent he is and that his partner is so lucky to have him AND someone paid for his lunch?
Ha–oh wait, that happened.
Because let’s face it, society has a tendency to perceive moms and dads VERY differently. Fathers tend to get a lot more credit for showing up as parents in ways that moms are expected to all the time.
And it is this blatant disparity that one mom is calling out.
Mom and bakery owner, Chloe Sexton vented her frustration over what she calls “daddy privilege” in a salty smackdown on TikTok.
You know, the phenomenon where dads are praised for simply being a parent.
The video has gone viral and racked up 4.8M views, 16K comments, and 1.1M likes, because it’s relatable AF.
It all happened when her husband, who she really loves and appreciates BTW, was hailed a HERO for running an errand with their baby on board.
A HERO.
An errand which Sexton does EVERY SINGLE WEEK, also with the baby.
Wanna know how she’s treated when she does it? I’ll give you a hint. Not like a hero.
Sexton begins her tale by saying:
“So I’ve got a fun little story for you about daddy privilege. My husband has a job. I have a business, my husband has a job. Could not make that any clearer, right?
Well, my bakery requires that we buy certain wholesale ingredients at this place called Restaurant Depot every week. You’ve seen me do videos of it before where I’m, like, wearing him or I was massively pregnant buying 400 pounds of flour and 100 pounds of butter, and it’s a weekly thing. The list goes on and on, like — it’s a lot.”
And we know exactly where this is going.
She continues:
“So, last week, on the day I usually do it, my husband had the day off and he decided to GO do it for me, but he also had the baby that day.
When I tell you, the way that this man was treated like a hero — A HERO. Mind you, those same people see me there every single week.”
Her husband shows up ONE TIME wearing the baby. They see her every week, literally doing the same thing her husband is doing, and yet, to the surprise of absolutely no one, she does not garner hero status.
Because “daddy privilege.”
I’m strapped up with a baby or seven months pregnant, hauling 100-pound bags at a time of flour in the back of my Subaru.
Meanwhile, I’m getting a whole lotta nothing to see here. Just a woman doing woman things, busting her ass.”
Preach it, girl!
“But my husband! My husband wears the baby and he goes to Restaurant Depot for mommy’s business and it’s, ‘Oh my god, look at you! Oh my god, you work so hard!”
It doesn’t matter that she was schlepping 100-lb bags of flour while pregnant. Or that she hauls those massive bags with her 6-month-old baby every.single.week. Because her husband? You guys, he was there with the baby!
Somebody even walked past him at one point and said, ‘”Oh my god, that’s a whole-ass baby!”
And my eyeballs just rolled so far back I’m pretty sure I saw the back of my brain.
I’m pretty sure Sexton’s did too.
She ends her epic takedown with:
“Yeah, it’s HIS…he’s not a hero. He’s literally just a father, just a parent, doing the same shit I do every week.”
@chloebluffcakes It’s the daddy hero treatment for me ?
I don’t know of any mom who doesn’t relate to this.
In fact, the comment section is full of mothers telling similar stories.
However, it wasn’t just other mothers who recognized the double standard, Sexton’s husband did too.
In an interview with Buzzfeed, Sexton revealed that her husband was embarrassed by all of the attention:
“[I’m] lucky to have a husband/life partner that is a self-proclaimed feminist and outright said, ‘Honestly the way they treated me was … embarrassing.’
She describes “daddy privilege” as “the subtle upper hand men sidestep into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply…being a parent.”
“You fed the baby? What a great dad! You held the baby while mummy bathed? So considerate of you! You picked up something for dinner? What would your family do without you?’
She further explains that “it’s all the little ways mothers do exactly what the world expects of them without a second thought and then watch fathers get praised for simply showing up.”
A-freaking-men.
Look, this is in no way to say that dads don’t deserve recognition.
There are tons of amazing dads out there and we’re thankful for them. BUT. Dads are not babysitters. They are not helpers. They are parents.
They show up because it’s their responsibility to show up. Just like it’s our responsibility as mothers. We are all parents. We are all worthy of praise. Parenting is hard. There’s a reason why people call it “the toughest job on earth,” because it is.
As parents, so much of what we do goes unnoticed, which is totally fine. None of us gets into parenting expecting a lifetime achievement award or a participation trophy.
But if participation trophies were to be handed out? They shouldn’t just be given out to the fathers. Moms sure as hell deserve them too.