One of the unfortunate side effects of becoming a mom is being exposed to ridicule and judgment BY OTHER MOMS. For whatever reason, some people feel the need to shame others and they have zero qualms in doing so.
Nothing really prepares you for the inevitable mom-shaming and judgment.
And while we’re used to hearing about “hot mess moms” (*raises my hand*) with our yoga pants and messy buns and not showering for days, in this case, it’s the put-together mom who is under fire. For you guessed it, looking TOO good.
SAHM Rosalie, who goes by the TikTok handle “rosapicosa” is sounding off on being shamed at the playground for looking TOO nice and she’s having none.of.it.
Rosie is a stay-at-home mom with a newborn and a toddler. Her TikTok account consists of cleaning and decluttering hacks and glimpses into her daily routines.
But it’s her TikTok video about being judged at the park that has gone viral earning over 198K likes and 2K comments. It has been viewed a whopping 1.4M times.
Rosie titled it “Get dressed every day” and captioned it with:
The clip begins by panning in on Rosie as she’s preparing for her day. She films herself doing her hair and makeup in the bathroom mirror.
Her voiceover says:
“Last year my son and I were on our weekly playground excursion when we came across the ever intimidating mom group.
Now I had zero reason to believe they were anything but harmless but my high school survival instincts told me to keep my distance.”
Rosie goes on to explain that although she was wary to approach the mom group, her son was anything but. Lacking any survival instincts, he pranced right into the middle of the group. Because kids.
Rosie reluctantly followed.
It is then that she overheard one of the moms saying:
“Oh you look So nice. I don’t like you.”
The reality is being judged by a fellow parent stings.
For someone to take one look at you and make a snap judgment on whether or not they like you based on what you’re wearing is giving off serious Mean Girls vibes. Even if it was made in jest or an attempt at sarcasm.
As for Rosie’s response, she decided to try and save face. In other words, she lied:
Her word sent a quick jolt through my system as the other mom snickered beside her.
Without thinking I responded with “Oh, this is like the first time I’ve gotten dressed in three weeks.”
While this is where the recounting of her playground shaming ends, it’s not the end of the story.
Rosie then goes on to question if working in the home means that she doesn’t have to get dressed every day?
(Because what even is shame without a heaping side of self-doubt.)
She decides to answer her own question:
Well, somedays, yes. But I’ve discovered that deliberately getting myself ready in the morning helps me to mentally prepare for that day and fills my morning with purpose.
And yes, that means getting dressed all the way down to my shoes, whether I’m leaving the house or not.
Rosie ends the video by asking the question, “What does your morning routine look like?”
Chaos and coffee. That’s what.
And while personally my morning looks like a messy bun, wearing leggings as pants, and frantically trying to get my three kids to move quicker than sloths, I gotta say I’m impressed with hers.
And plenty of women agree that getting ready in the morning sets the tone for the entire day.
The comment section is full of support for Rosie and her morning routine.
Exaaaaactly. Don’t dull your sparkle to try to please someone else.
Others reiterated just how good getting glam is for mental health…
…And that living in a constant state of “hot mess” can take its toll.
While one mom said her motivation for getting ready wasn’t so much about boosting her mental health as about boosting her cred with the school office. (I say reindeer pajama pants for the win!)
Another commenter came out to say that the mean comment wasn’t about Rosie at all but about the other mom’s own insecurity.
And speaking about insecurity – one woman did play devil’s advocate and called Rosie out for how her own insecurity contributed to her making judgments about the mom group. (She’s not wrong.)
And Rosie agreed. She responded that her own insecurity definitely played a part.
“I’m easily intimidated when walking into a social setting by myself, guard was up before I got out of the car.”
Look, the reality is that we all have those days when we’ve got our act together. But we’ve all had the hot-mess dumpster-fire fail days too.
Underneath it all, the messy buns or the perfectly coiffed hair, the dark under-eye circles or the fake lashes, the yoga pants or the skinny jeans, we are the same. We are moms. All trying to do our damndest to keep tiny humans alive and not raise assholes.
We are all messy, whether we look like it on the outside or not. So please, can we just, oh I don’t know, support each other?
Can we stop it with the judgment?
Get dressed or don’t. Put on makeup or don’t. Do your hair or don’t. Do whatever it is that makes you happy. Do whatever you need to do to feel good and maintain your sanity.
Because lord knows, being a parent, being a mom, is hard enough without throwing judgment and shame into the mix.