Sometimes when we fall in love & marry The ONE, we still have these hidden expectations of what love “should” look like. I mean, sure, we know our guy. We know what life with him is like by now, right?
But for a lot of us, there’s still a nagging part -in the back of our minds- that often waits in expectation of the BIG romantic gestures.
You know the kind- the sweeping declarations of love. The chivalrous, charismatic, sweep-you-off-your-feet moments that involve either flowers, gifts, carrying you in his arms somehow. And usually, NOPE.
(Thanks, Hollywood, for serving us up a big box of movie popcorn with a side of romantic disappointment.)
Sometimes we get jaded. We keep looking for the total romance package. We watch TV husbands like Jack Pearson (“This Is Us”) who set the husband bar WAY high, then we turn & grimace at our guy who’s picking his toenails on the couch, oblivious to our mental comparison.
But one wife’s heartwarming Facebook post reminds us that instead of wasting time searching for the romantic fantasy in your husband, notice what your man has been doing in his own way to love you.
Heather Delaney of the popular Facebook page Love Always, Heather recently wrote a touching post about a major relationship revelation that came on the heels of a typical grocery shopping trip with her husband.
It seems that Heather &, well, Mr. Heather are old pros at the weekly grocery game. They’ve been doing this for awhile, & have their routine nailed down tight:
He always pushes the grocery cart.
Ok, that’s… consistent. Romantic? Perhaps not. But Heather explains. And it turns out Heather’s husband uses their weekly shopping routine to be quite a gentleman:
when we get back to the truck, he always unlocks the doors immediately so that I can get in.
(After being married for a few years, I’ve given him props for still doing that!)
and then proceeds to unload the groceries, while I’m sat in the truck with the seat warmers on.
(More points for Mr. Heather… especially on those cold days.)
rain or shine.
(Rain?? Mr. Heather is a winner, people.)
This is their weekly shopping routine together- and Heather’s husband faithfully provides these small acts of kindness each & every time.
His efforts are truly sweet, but they are small gestures that become “normal”, especially after being married for a considerable amount of time.
We’re all guilty of doing this in long-term relationships (both men AND women).
The acts of kindness by our partner that initially seemed so charming & thoughtful evolve into a routine of sorts. We sometimes even fail to recognize that they still acts of love, done faithfully.
I bet you fall into one of two camps now: you’re either thinking, “Aw… that’s SO sweet!”, or: you’re grumbling because your guy doesn’t even GO grocery shopping with you, and if he really loved you, then he’d….
And that’s Heather’s point. She, too, wasn’t always woke to the little loving things that her husband has been doing all along.
She, too, was watching what other people’s husbands were doing for their wives.
She was watching the romantically idealized TV husbands (damn you, Jack Pearson!).
Heather saw the commercials for diamond rings, and flowers, and all the sweet stuff that “good” husbands are supposed to do for/give to their wives.
And her reaction?
I was disappointed time. and time. and time again.
(Can you relate? Even a little?)
All because I was looking for the ways that I was being told he should show his love –
That’s so important: “the ways that I was being told he should show his love”.
We often assume that the dramatic, grand gestures we see on television are supposed to be the norm for how a husband should show love to his wife.
And when we become so focused on looking for those exact gestures, & sizing our man up in comparison to every single other husband we see…
YOU MISS IT.
And Heather almost missed it, too. In fact, she was so busy feeling chronically disappointed looking for such specific ways her husband “should” be loving her that, she almost wasn’t:
paying attention to how he actually does show his love.
Heather’s husband was showing her that he loved her, in actions. But they weren’t the actions she assumed they should be. Not at first. But changing her perspective, well:
That was the relationship game changer.
No, Heather’s guy isn’t the flower-buying type, but:
But he calls me everyday when he gets off of work, to see if I need anything picked up.
He doesn’t think to pick up expensive chocolates, but:
But whenever he sees anything that resembles a slice of plant based, organic goodness, he always buys it for me –
(And bless his heart, he’s so dang happy to please her, too!)
And is always so proud to surprise me with his latest grocery store find.
Heather’s husband can’t really cook at all, but:
He wakes up every Sunday morning, puts on coffee, pours up my favourite mug, and passes it to me while I’m cozied up on the living room coucH
You had me at coffee, guy. You had me at COFFEE!
Heather lists other examples of her husband’s acts of love, but as she writes, it’s evident that the list could probably keep flowing.
And the reason for it is because she’s paying attention.
She’s learned to stop looking for the big Hollywood-romance gestures: they are big, & dramatic, & temporary.
Heather has learned to feel so very loved by her hubby’s daily, consistent acts of loving kindness that meet her where she really needs them most.
It’s the consistent, gentle, dependable moments that build a truly lasting, intimate love.
That’s the message Heather hopes that other wives will draw from her post. See the man beside you through new eyes. She urges others to:
Don’t search for the flowers, Ladies. Nor waste your time in want of the chocolates.
Search for the one who will push your grocery cart.
For that’s where the always kinda’ love is ?
And with 248K shares and 153K likes, it’s clear that many women are thankful for the reminder to look for the little love moments from their own guys!