Woman’s Ridiculous List Attacks Working Moms, But It’s Offensive To Pretty Much Everyone


We all know that motherhood is one of the hardest responsibilities we will ever take on. Most of us also struggle with self-doubt at times, wondering if we’re doing a “good enough” job of being a wife and a mother. 


Well, according to a delusional post written by the ultimate sanctimommy that was featured on The Transformed Wife’s Facebook page- you’re likely doing it wrong. 

The intention of the post is to visually illustrate WHY MOTHERS SHOULD NOT HAVE CAREERS. It breaks down the typical day of both a stay-at-home-mom and a working mom, in several steps. 

The post intends to make it clear how working mothers are not only failing in virtually every area of their existence, but why mothers working at all is ruining pretty much EVERYTHING.

Photo Credit: The Transformed Wife on FB

Granted, we’ve seen this battle play out many times on social media as our less enlightened mom peers attempt to imply one lifestyle is superior to the other. But if you’re already gritting your teeth in rage, just wait until you actually read her list; it gets so.much.better (Or worse??).

There’s so much insanity to discuss here that I’m practically giddy; let’s break this Twilight Zone trip of a list down, shall we?

Home Vs. Away

The working mom is away from home for hours each day. And that’s supposed to be a “bad” thing, apparently, since the STAY-AT-HOME MOM has the supposed benefit of being home all day. Exactly. She’s home ALL DAY LONG.

As someone who has been a stay-at-home mom for 16 years now, I can tell you that there were countless days where a trip to the grocery store felt like a damn vacation because it was anywhere but home. We moms may love our homes, but sometimes getting out of it is a very good thing.

Who’s got the Kids?

Mom being home with the kids all day isn’t necessarily the best thing- for several reasons. Maybe Mom makes more money than her partner. Maybe Mom has an awesome career that she loves. Maybe Mom just doesn’t want to be home all day with her kids and has someone equally loving & nurturing there with them, and who the hell has the right to say otherwise??

Make sure to check out what our own Meredith Masony has to say about this chart too. 

Stay-At-Home Moms Get More Rest

The author claims that while poor working moms are eternally exhausted, a stay-at-home mom:

Rests while her children nap.

BAHAHA!! Nope. Moms have to multitask so much that I don’t know a single one -not ONE- that is not tired. Working or home, all moms are always tired. Period.

Working Moms Can’t Cook

Apparently working moms can’t cook. Or won’t, according to the author. But apparently us stay-at-home moms need to up our cooking game, because:

Dinner is from scratch, nutritious and delicious.

Uh, no, it’s not. Sometimes dinner in any house is a fantastic home cooked meal. Sometimes it’s DinoNuggets, or McDonald’s. Again, in ANY house. It’s called reality. The author needs a dose of it, apparently.

Working Moms Don’t Engage Kids Enough

If you’re “only” reading a book at bedtime to your kids, working moms, well, you’re just not trying hard enough. Moms who stay home play with their kids ALL day, apparently, when they’re not in the kitchen whipping up those healthy, gourmet meals from scratch…

Weekends Are WORK For Working Moms

According to our list, poor working moms are slaving away all weekend while stay-at-home moms are frolicking on the beach. Really?? I’m pretty sure weekends are work for ALL moms, because we live with people who create endless work for every one of us. Weekends should be for Dads to take kids to the parks & beaches so we moms can catch up on the rest that none of us ever get.

More Sex If You Stay Home

FALSE. Any Dad knows that if he snatches a teething baby away from his wife & sends her out with her friends while he cleans up dinner, he’s going to get more sex. The amount of sex a couple has does not depend on if Mom is working or not. It depends on how helpful Dad is when she’s not working or taking care of the kids. It’s SCIENCE.

It’s hard to read, isn’t it? But the bottom of the list is the clincher; the author really goes for the jugular when speaking of working moms:

Her life is falling apart. She doesn’t feel like a good wife or mother.

There’s finally a grain of truth to her words, but not just when applied to working moms.

Many mothers feel like their lives are a mess, and many feel like they are not a “good enough” wife or mother. 

One of the major reasons women feel like failures is exactly this type of judgy, sanctimommy criticism. The message is: if you’re not doing motherhood this way, then you’re doing it wrong. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us what we’re not doing right, what we should be doing that we aren’t, and why what we ARE doing isn’t good enough. 

We feel guilty if we work. We feel guilty if we don’t. 

We’re supposed to feel guilty if we DON’T feel guilty. This list is not only grossly stereotypical and unrealistic, but a symptom of a more pervasive problem: mom judgment.

This kind of ridiculous nonsense that this woman frequently uses her platform to spread is straight up damaging – to all women.

Virtually none of us measure up to the standards set in the list, regardless of which side of the list we’re on. And that’s a good thing, because it means that we’re real people, with real struggles, doing the best we can

And, don’t let this judgmental sanctimommy (or anyone else) tell you otherwise. 


  1. I love your sense of humor and I appreciate your view of things. However, after many years of raising kids and 2 marriages with and without a career, I have come to agree with the author of this list. If you have a family with school-aged kids, a mother SHOULD be at home.

    • Wow. No. Not at all. She should choose what she’s doing. Your just as bad as the sanctamommy. It’s a choice like pro life of wether or not to eat cake or keep you mouth shut.

    • My dad always said that it’s best not to tell people what they should do. Maybe the word “should” is not the appropriate choice in words when referring to mothers choices. People do have to work. It’s how we support our families. It’s not right or wrong, it just is.

    • I was a stay-at-home mom for 6 years. While I am so thankful I had that time with my kids, I LOVED going back to work. As a SAHM I was lonely, exhausted, unappreciated by my husband, broke & envious of working moms as I watched the world pass by. I wasn’t allowed to work & we desperately needed the extra income. In fact, my divorce was accelerated when my ex-husband discovered I had updated my resume. Granted, we had many beach days, field trips, activities and homemade meals…but I reflect on those days remembering how I did it alone-my husband couldn’t be bothered. I kept reassuring myself I was being a ‘righteous’ woman of God, it was the lifeline I held onto. Bullshit. When I finally left, I cried the 1st year I was able to buy a Christmas tree with my OWN money. I cried when I was able to get our kid’s health insurance. When I was able to enroll our kids in sports & classes & summer camps. I cried last night when I was able to get our son new hearing aids. None of that would have been possible for us when I was a stay-at-home mother. The joy & pride I feel at work is so precious. Showing my boys that as a mother I can both work & take care of them. I work primarily from home, so they see me hustling every day. Guess what? I am at every single school performance, I volunteer at their schools, I’m on the PTA, I drop them off, pick them up, make their lunches, we do arts and crafts, have play dates & sleepovers, and on and on. Guess what else? I married a man who cooks dinner & does the dishes. Chores on the weekends? When you are a working mom there are LESS chores! When I pick up my kids from school they RUN into my arms because they missed me. We are SO happy to see each other, my bucket has been filled because, for me, working is self-care. Intimacy? I feel pride & accomplishment in my career which makes me feel more attractive which leads to more & better intimacy. I am also able to spend my money freely, without discussing my purchases with my husband. I guess if you have the world’s calmest, best-behaved children on the planet then staying at home with them all day can look like this chart-but as a mom with 2 wild boys-life has been miles better since I went back to work. I did eventually have to become self-employed so that I could maintain my involvement in my kids’ lives, but I am forever thankful I have had the opportunity to do both.

  2. That lady made a list to justify her own insecurities and/or wants. Even a full time stay at home mom is like having a full time job.
    I am , my family is blessed to have a career mom and still blessed to be with my children all the time we cook nutritious meals. And my Husband is fulfilled anytime any place. Lady get it right.

  3. I have been on both sides of the spectrum, equally exhausted whether I was working at home, or working a job. And as a stay at home mom of 6 school age kids, I still don’t get to just sit. There are 8 people in my house, 8 ppl worth of dishes, laundry, dirt, toys, messes. They are all at school, but I have 2 that I drop off at 7, 4 I drop off at 8:30, then I pick one up at noon, one up at 2:30, and 4 up at 3:45, so like an hour maybe 2 in between each trip to get everything done. Then Mondays after school we usually get to “relax” so that meal might be home made, but Tuesdays they wolf down frozen pizza before we head off th Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, and Girl Scouts, yes all on Tuesdays. Wednesdays they wolf down mac and cheese so we can get them to church/youth group on time. Thursdays we have counciling so dinner is a little later than usual, but sometimes home made. Fridays dad (who works 3rds) leaves early for work, so we do something easy and quick, and the weekends…. hahaha, usually something scouts or church related or a birthday party, always something other than “relaxing on a beach. Lol

    • This is real life. I’ve done both and I’m a nurse, I work 3 (12 hour) days a week so I feel like I’m a SAHM too. I juggle working random days of the week and every third weekend (gone 530/6am-8/830pm).

      I go to all my kids events that I can, but I can’t always make it to them because of work. I arrange for care for my kids when I’m working, which is sometimes three different people (in one day). I’m not married to their dad anymore -which is good- but it’s definitely more work for me since I have them most of the time. I’m the only parent that can drive so that’s more on me.

      Anyway, my point is that a normal work day is easier than a home day driving both kids to school, pickups and activities, but neither staying at home or working are easy these days and judging people for doing what they have to do or want to do, just because it’s different than what you think is best, is ridiculous.

  4. I think this list is a Joke. I have been on both sides, both are equally hard!! What I think we need to talk about is the need for two income houses that makes it nearly impossible for a large portion of moms to choose to stay home. The tax burden on the middle and lower income earners is almosr impossible to overcome. Taxes on almost everything you buy, taxes on your income before you even get it and taxes on your property.

    • Been on both sides of this and without a doubt am here to say if you want to make it work you can! We made a few changes to our lifestyle and the “things” we really didn’t need. Daycare is a place where kids are not loved all day long. Raising kids is the most important job you will ever do. Ask yourself if you came back in another life. Would you rather be raised in a daycare or by your mom? The first 5 years are so crucial for development.

      • That’s crap. I went to daycare. I’m fine. And with my kids, we did what worked at the time. I stayed home one year, my husband stayed home 2 years, other years we worked alternating scheduled AND WE also DID DAYCARE some years. All at various times with 4 kids and our kids ARE WONDERFUL. In college, deans list and honor students. I refuse to feel guilty about any choice I made OR care what someone else who wasn’t living our life thinks what’s best for MY family or anyone else. Seriously, MIND YOUR BUSINESS!

  5. This “Transformed Wife” broad needs to sit down and shut up. I’m a single mom with 2 kids. I’d love to have a sugar daddy so I didn’t have to work, but that’s not the case so I MUST. My kids are happy and fed and that’s all that matters.

  6. Yah, and she forgot to rip us moms who work from home! and my husband also works from home. and guess what? we each take a kid to school. then when we get home, since everything naturally falls to the moms, he walks out every morning to his shop where his office is on our property and says “OK, I’m going to work!” while I clean up after all the pigs in my 6-person household, probably organize JUST the kitchen (because that’s my thing…gotta have a clean kitchen:) then throw my hands up and march upstairs to finally go to work about 9:30…only to be interrupted a thousand times by husband requests, bills, keeping the laundry going, scheduling appointments, paying bills, etc. working from home is a blessing and a curse. constantly scattered. again, why are we blaming? i feel like i do a pretty good job and really fortunate to be able to do my work around the kids, but i also feel like if i wasn’t working, i’d be bored and my OCD would have me simply cleaning and cooking 24-7, which would probably literally make me insane. so you know what sanctimommy (my new FAVORITE WORD EVER!), bite me. we’re all great at some things and not so great at others, mommydom aside.

    • Yes! Working from home with kids is HANDS DOWN the hardest thing. LOL The interruptions…my GOD the interruptions and noise and messes and constant chaos. ?????

  7. Her kids are going to get eaten alive when they reach the age they are on their own. They won’t be able to handle REAL life.

  8. This whole article is so ridiculous that I couldn’t get past the first topic. As a working mother of 3, I never missed an athletic event, or school activity or church activity, entertained frequently and helped them with their homework every night and had dinner on the table for my husband, etc. My kids have grown into well adjusted, hard working, sociable adults who everyone enjoys being around.

    • No it’s not, unfortunately the blogger that posted that chart actually believes it and writes frequently on the topic. Every few months or year some kind of drivel from her blog goes viral and gets everyone up in arms. She just needs to be ignored.

    • No it’s not. My mom happens to follow the woman who wrote that post on Facebook. She tries to share those things with me all the time. I assure you, the woman who writes for Transformed Housewife is perfectly serious and she believes that women who are not like her are wrong.

      • My mother is one of those women. When I got divorced and went back to work full-time as a single mom she actually told me I should forget about my job (which was my DREAM career) & become a housekeeper so that I could be at home with my kids more. She also tried to convince me to go back to my abusive ex-husband because ‘marriage is always better for the kids’. ?????

  9. I stayed at home for 6yrs. My home was clean, our food was nutritious, my kids had enough time with me. Fast forward 6 yrs. I work 4 days a week, my house is never as clean as I like, meals are always ina hurry and my kids always are watching me run from errand to another. My life and my kids lives were genuinely better when I was at home. I miss that time terribly and hate the feeling of always being in a hurry.

    • I totally believe that the decision to stay home with your kids is a personal choice. Some women do better in their lives when they are home. Life is better when they are home. But other women want to or need to work and that’s also ok. I am a Christian woman who loves the Lord with all her heart. I believe that I am to stay home. But God outlines in Proverbs 31 that a woman is not defined by the four walls of her home. She buys, she sells, she makes clothing for her kids, she operates a business that provides for her family. I mean come on! What about a single mother?? Is she not supposed to work and provide for her kids???

  10. I worked when pregnant and when my daughter was a baby she was in daycare life I feel was easier cuz there was a schedule now I’m sick n have ailments n now 2 kids my house always a mess and too much to do

  11. So who ever is trying to blame the list in her clearly hasn’t watched the video. She isn’t saying that .the chart is she always finds charts and gives her opinion on the matter and she obviously didn’t say what the chart said stupid people learn how to listen.

  12. M
    No it’s not. It’s a super rude mom who thinks she’s better than other moms. It’s also a Christian sanctimommy which is 10x worse than a regular sanctimommy

  13. Please don’t post this anymore. Don’t give her the attention she craves. This lady is insulting in her thinking. I’m a Christ believer but this is too much. She actually thinks women should not go to college. She wrote a whole article on how women going to college has made the world worse. How backwards thinking is that! Sorry but my bible does not tell me I need to be uneducated barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

    • Thank you! I’m a working mom and will take this down as I fulfill itemS on both sides. We have to support each other as mom working or SAHM!

      • Yep! My mother believes that women working & having too many rights is the reason for the downfall of society. When I read this post it reminds me of the girlfriend I had in Kansas. We were all part of this backwards fundamentalist Baptist church. So this poor, sweet, wonderful woman was so committed to following Christ that she homeschooled all 4 of her children, including her Russian adoptive son, made all of her own food, couldn’t wear bathing suits, couldn’t drink, didn’t watch TV, etc. Needless to say, her husband was a habitual cheater & closet drinker. And our old church just got busted because the youth pastor was having affairs with the teens in his charge. ?????

  14. I’m a working mother and have also been a sahm. I have to say I enjoy working more. Yes, it was hard at first leaving my youngest at day care but I feel confident in knowing that her needs are met & she’s around others her age so she’s learning “social skills”. As far as the “delicious, nutritious meals” go I’m a sous chef & Baker so I always bring home dinner for the kids. They are excited for dinner & have become a bit more adventurous. They even sometimes come in to work for dinner which is a treat for them cause they get waited on & special treatment! ? ” Ohh, I feel so fancy!” (Lol). Yes, sometimes I come exhausted but make time for game night, movie night, classical music night….etc.
    I really think the difference is whether you stay home or not is if you love what you do and that carries through in your attitude.

  15. I have lived both sides of this. Children benefit with a mother at home. It’s just true. It may not be what is most fun or rewarding, but it’s my job to sacrifice for my child and my family. My child and my family has it better if I’m there. My family works better if I make our house a home. That is the only job that matters. It’s just true.

  16. I think the sanctimommies are the ones trying to burn the candle at both ends to satisfy some absurd personal mission to “do it all” and completely ignoring the unintended consequences affecting everyone around her. Modern women have lost ALL ability to see someone else’s perspective and default to attacking them… whilst being absolutely miserable themselves. How is it even possible to have such an incredible divergence in one’s own thought processes!?

    Record high prescription drug use, record high levels of depression, record high divorce rates, record LOWS on national happiness metrics, despite higher incomes, college degrees, business ownership, and career prospects. And you’re salty at the woman pointing out the reasons? Women are literally running the show in the western world, ACCORDING TO WOMEN, but are miserable every step of the way.


  17. Another view on why Mom or Dad should be home 24/7 with at least pre schoolers and maybe older kids too.
    The rioters are the 1st generations not to really be raised by Grandma or GreatGrandma while the parents were working. There’s all these jokes about how unsuccessful they are, living in their basement. Maybe feminists were wrong that women were just wasting their talents. Maybe being with their kids was critical to civilization and they were using all their talents. Something to think about.

  18. omg whoever wrote that needs to take the stick out of from you know where. I’m a stay at home mom and I don’t make fancy smancy, however it’s spelled, made from scratch dinners I have no patience or time for that crap. I’m virtually teaching (just as many of us are) my 13 year old who has special needs and I am with her all day while school is going on because she needs prompting and help with everything to stay focused and pay attention. This isn’t new and a few days ago this week she told her teacher why don’t you do the work. It’s better than her saying I’m going to set you on fire lol. My kiddo says some bizarre shit when she’s angry and having a melt down. I’m cleaning during breaks and early in the morning I’m up at 5:30 am through the weekday to get my oldest ready for high school and to make sure they take their medication because he has anxiety, major depression, and ASD. When 3 pm rolls around each afternoon i’m exhausted and can’t wait to hit the bed at some point because at nights it’s hard to sleep. This person is just so BS 🙁

  19. I’m have a full time job because I am a firefighter/first Responder and I am a mother of 6 my oldest is 16 my oldest son is 15 I have two toddler that are 4 years old and I have two infant I make time for my kids I make sure I’m there when they go to bed and I sure in the hell try to make it home when they wake up so I’m the first one they see when they get up I help my kids with school work I still cook home made meals for my kids and I make sure I spend all the time I can with them and I’m a single mother yea I’m may be tried and have no energy but I make sure I make the best of everything with my kids so they know they mother is there when they need me but they also know mommy has to save life to

  20. I have been a working mom, and my kids turns out amazingly well-rounded, they know the value of a dollar, they know what it means to work for what you want, and they have very giving and empathetic hearts. I didn’t fail at raising them because I worked outside of the home.

  21. For anyone to be that judgemental, she probably needs to take a closer look at her true internal happiness. I’ve been a stay st home mom AND a working mom. Currently. I work 4 days per week. BOTH are hard! Parenting is hard either way. I can say that there are days I wish I was home earlier to be with the kids more and get things done. Then there are days that going to work feels like a restful break (and I work in a hospital!). We are all doing the best we can, given our situation. Keep up the great work moms (ALL of you)!!!


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