18 Funny Tweets About The Insanity Of Parenting Three-Year-Olds

There’s a lot of talk about the infamous “terrible twos”, but if you’re lucky enough to escape that phase relatively unscathed, you might as well throw out your parenting playbook- it’s a whole new game when dealing with a three year old.

Three-year-olds are a unique breed of human being; they want what they want when they want it, and they are prepared to argue to the death for it. They’re messy, they’re defiant, they’re moody, they’re loud- and often unintentionally hilarious!

If you’re in the throes of parenting a 3-year-old, then take comfort from these Twitter parents that are right there in it with you, or have lived to tell the tale.

1. Just keeping 3-year-olds alive and in one piece is a full-time job for parents.

3yo: I want to [do something unsafe or impossible]
Me: No, you can't, because [long drawn-out explanation of why that is unsafe or impossible]
3yo: I want to [do the exact thing I just explained why she can't do]

Repeat forever.

— Ohio mom of two (@OhioMomoftwo) October 5, 2018

2. They can’t be left alone even for a second; 3-year-olds can wreak havoc instantly.

If your 3yo has been unattended for any amount of time, your linen closet is just a regular closet now, bachelor's degree is now a napkin, and the dog has been shaved.

— Dustin Jimberlake. (@snotnboogers23) October 17, 2018

3. Then again, they can also wreak havoc when they’re not alone.

Me: “hey I’m trying to clean up so please try not to make any messes”

3yo: “okay!” (Smears pizza on table with a rolling pin)

— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) September 30, 2018

4. They’re the pickiest eaters imaginable.

Made my 3yo a cheese sandwich which he refused because "the cheesy part is yucky."

His lunch request? A cheese stick. 

*Pours wine*

— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 25, 2016

5. Well, unless it’s YOUR food, which suddenly becomes way more appealing.

Me to 3yo: Do you want eggs?
3yo: No.
Me: You sure?
3yo: I DON'T WANT ANY!
Me: Ok.
*Makes eggs and sits down*
3yo: I want some.
Me: I JUST asked you if you wanted any and you said no.
3yo: I want some!
*Makes 3yo eggs*
3yo: I dont want this.

This. This is why moms are crazy.

— Unbalanced Momma (@UnbalancedMomma) July 6, 2018

6. Food remnants littered with germs are tasty, too. Apparently.

If you want to know what an apple slice on the floor under this McDonalds table tastes like, ask my 3 year-old son.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2015

7. In fact, 3-year-olds seem to love germs- especially sharing them.

Me: So, what did you bring home from preschool today?!?

3yo: *sneezes*

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 16, 2018

8. Speaking of sharing: they want to keep all.the.things.

5-year-old: That's my dress that you're wearing!
3-year-old: But you said I could borrow it, so I'm borrowing it forever.

Well played, kid.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 18, 2017

9. And when I say all the things, I mean ALL.

He peed in the toilet. I flushed it. He wants his pee back.

-Me, explaining to a friend on the phone why my 3 yo is screaming hysterically

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 3, 2014

10. And once they have everything, they want to bring it all with them, everywhere.

"Oh, we're going for a 2 minute car ride? Let me just gather all of my worldly possessions and get a little naked first. Oh, & hide your keys."

-3 year olds.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 22, 2018

11. Three-year-olds have a knack for public humiliation (yours, not theirs).

Things your 3yo has said in public to embarrass you:

I’ll go first “MOM PENISES ARE MY FAVORITE WHY DO I HAVE A GINA”

Your turn

— crystaldecker (@CrystalMiesseau) October 13, 2018

12. No one is spared in their “observations”.

Snuggling with my 3yo is fun because she likes to point out which parts of me are “smushy enough to be a pillow.”

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) October 8, 2018

13. They have big mouths…

I swear I can’t take my kids anywhere. Now that my wife is pregnant, my 3yo’s new thing is asking any overweight person if they have a baby in their tummy and trying to lovingly touch and rub their fat rolls.

— Count DracuDaddo (@officerdaddo) October 2, 2018

14. … that are full of sharp teeth. Ouch!

I'm sorry, but if they can't keep him from biting someone, maybe they shouldn't let him around people.

-5, about the 3yo neighbor kid

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 11, 2017

15. Seriously- 3-year-olds are fierce.

My 3yo wanted to touch a squirrel. I told him squirrels were mean and didn't like petting. He told me he'd eat it.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 7, 2017

16. There’s a reason they’re called “threenagers”, because they can be MOODY.

My 3yo snuggled up to me and said, “you’re my best mommy” but I guess he was worried about it going to my head because later he told me it’s annoying when I talk to him.

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) August 28, 2018

17. And like teenagers, they love to argue.

Parenthood means arguing with an angry 3yo who thinks he's big enough to stay up until 20 o'clock.

— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) October 26, 2016

18. But at least they make us laugh… even if we’re crying on the inside.

“Mom, what are you drawing?" my 3 year old asks, as we color. “Crap?”

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) October 2, 2018

Three-year-olds are strange creatures indeed, but their antics keep us laughing (when we’re not crying because of those same antics, of course…!).