Fall is officially here, and with comes the return of pumpkin spice lattes, sweaters, and the obligatory family trip to at least one fall festival.
If you’ve never paid way too much money to spend hours lugging pumpkins, picking hay out of your kid’s ears, or swearing at your spouse while hunting for a bathroom in a corn patch, are you even a parent?
Laugh along with the parents of Twitter as they share the stress of embarking on all the fall activities with the family and having so much “fun”.
- Fall festivals- there are a million of them. LITERALLY.
There are so many fall festivals now I won’t even consider going to one unless it’s 10 feet from my home.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 2, 2018
2. For pumpkin picking, however, you might have to travel a bit further.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 14, 2016
3. Pumpkin picking is definitely a “hands-on” experience.
If you don't have a 10 lb pumpkin in one hand & the hand of a squirming hyperactive 4yo in the other, is it even fall?
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) October 25, 2017
4. But the important thing is, the kids enjoy it. Or not so much.
These pictures of my kids at the pumpkin patch look like a lot of screaming and crying, but in an Autumn setting.
— ?Mummy Curses? (@mommy_cusses) October 7, 2017
5. A day at the pumpkin farm can end with tears- sometimes your own.
If pumpkin carving doesn't end in "That's okay — it doesn't need to have eyes," then you have not just been comforted by your 7 year old.
— TheAlexNevilSpooky (@TheAlexNevil) October 31, 2016
6. Apple picking is another EXPENSIVE, -I mean- fun fall activity to do with kids.
If you're looking for ideas, apple picking is another fun way to spend $40 to listen to your kids complain for an hour.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 26, 2015
7. But first, be sure to set the kids’ expectations nice & low.
With today's youth you have to clarify that apple picking does not mean you're taking them to the Apple Store to pick out an iPhone.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 12, 2017
8. …and your spouse’s expectations, too.
Meteorologist: Weekend weather is sunny & cool.
Wife thinks: We should take the kids apple picking.
Husband thinks: My wife should take the kids apple picking.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 26, 2018
9. Make sure you have a big wagon- and a big budget.
If you have a produce budget of $112 and like swearing while pulling a wagon as your kids keep screaming about bees, apple picking is fun.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 21, 2016
10. But at least you can enjoy the fruit of your picking labors… well, kind of.
Go apple picking with kids so you can spend $18 on apples your child insists on carrying only to have them trip in the parking lot and drop them all so now you have $18 worth of bruised apples
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 24, 2018
11. If the kids get bored with pumpkins & apples, there’s always a *yawn* hayride.
Is this it?
-kids on a hayride
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 18, 2017
12. Or a corn maze. Because free corn is nowhere near as exciting as the paid version.
My kid wants $20 to go through a corn maze with his friends, which is $20 more than I normally pay to walk through vegetables.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 29, 2018
13. Corn mazes can be tricky to navigate (and so can the lack of bathrooms)-
If you enjoy paying to get lost for hours with a kid who has to poop, a corn maze might be the right activity for you and your family.
— Danielle and Farrah (@effinghandbook) October 12, 2017
14. -especially for parents who’ve had one too many pumpkin beers.
“Hey look, a corn maze!”
– me, drunk, about to get lost in a corn maze
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) September 17, 2018
15. Maybe those parents aren’t lost- they’re just hiding. Because, KIDS.
The person that thought up getting lost for hours in a corn maze was probably just trying to hide from their children.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 10, 2017
16. And you always end up having to go back & look for a kid (eventually, anyway).
I'm taking my family to the corn maze this year in the hope that we will find the child we lost in there last year.
— Goats? (@Gooooats) August 31, 2017
17. At the end of the day, you’ll have special fall memories… to share online. Or else.
Legend has it if you don’t post the pictures of your fall family farm outing on Facebook, you choke to death on the apple cider donuts you bought there. Choose carefully, my friends.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 1, 2018
18. Sometimes it’s just easier to skip the patch and hit the produce aisle.
Not to brag, but I brought my kids apple and pumpkin picking today… in the produce aisle.
— K?RL? IN VT??? (@karlainvt) October 3, 2018
Pumpkin picking, apple picking, corn mazes… why do we FALL for them every year??