In the latest COVID-19 news, The British Columbia Centre For Disease Control is recommending the use of glory holes to reduce the spread of COVID-19.
I kid you not. I’ll give you a second to let this news sink in. I know it’s a lot to swallow.
The BCCDC recently posted a set of guidelines to their website in regards to COVID-19 and sex and I gotta say, it’s a lot less PBS and a whole lot more Porn Hub than I was expecting.
While it is not yet clear if the virus can be transmitted through sex it has been found in both semen and feces. One of the safest ways to reduce your risk of spreading or contracting the coronavirus is by physical distancing, including when you are having sex.
And one method of socially sexually distancing? Using glory holes apparently.
While masturbating alone is the number one choice of doctors when it comes to sex and the coronavirus (“YOU are your safest sex partner”), the reality is that not everyone is going to give up sex with a partner (or partners) for the foreseeable future.
The solution, at least according to the BCCDC, is to use barriers, like walls, between partners.
And just in case there is any question as to exactly what they mean, they have provided a handy example:
Use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.
I mean, sure, you COULD just wear a mask, or do it doggy-style, (which are also options that the BCCDC puts forth) but why? When you could take this opportunity to do a little renovating around your house?
Some of you sweet innocent things are asking what a glory hole is. Let me be the one to enlighten you. According to the Urban Dictionary:
A gloryhole is a hole made in a thin wall or other type of partition where a man can insert their penis for sexual stimulation by an anonymous person on the other side.
Or in the case of the BCCDC, it is an excellent choice to practice social distancing during intercourse.
And yes, I googled it. Which I’m certain I will regret when Facebook starts filling my feed with targeted ads.
Bear in mind that this is just one of the tips that the BCCDC suggests when it comes to sex in the time of coronavirus. It is not a hard and fast rule.
As previously mentioned, they also recommend the use of a face covering or mask to protect against panting moistly (not to be confused with speaking moistly) and choosing alternate non-face-to-face positions.
In addition, other steps to protect yourself include:
- Ask your partner(s) if they’re feeling unwell or have any symptoms of COVID-19.
- Before and after sex:
- Wash your body with soap and water.
- Wash your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds.
- Wash sex toys thoroughly with soap and water before and after use. Do not share them with multiple partners.
- Avoid or limit kissing and saliva exchange.
- Using condoms, lubricant, and dental dams may help to further reduce the risk by minimizing contact with saliva, semen and feces during sex.
Naturally, the folks of Twitter are having a ball with this and #gloryholes is now trending.
And as for how our neighbors to the north are handling it?
They’re just proud to be Canadian.
Proud to be Canadian??#gloryholes pic.twitter.com/I0Sq2jcSVD
— ????? ????? ???? (@KeefLynch) July 22, 2020
I love the fact that Canada recommended using #gloryholes during COVID-19. I love my country so much holy shit
— Turt (@Turt2222) July 22, 2020
Nothing says “peek” 2020 like a government officially recommending glory holes.
My favourite part of Canada's Covid response is our government officially recommends using glory holes for sex ? pic.twitter.com/XsyJJgxhFS
— Kierenshep? (@KierenShep) July 20, 2020
Even if it wasn’t on anyone’s Bingo card for 2020:
I did not have the Government recommending #gloryholes on my 2020 bingo card. What in the hell?! ?? pic.twitter.com/jIkaddTvmy
— BoobyWilkins (@akachichi) July 22, 2020
I take back everything I ever said about 2020. Whatever timeline was required to lead us to this point, the point where a Provincial Government tells it's citizens to fuck through walls, is where we're supposed to be. ??#Canada #gloryholes pic.twitter.com/lbGjkizkgK
— Cute/slight points/waste of time- Shannon Q (@Shann_Q0) July 22, 2020
I’M CRYING 2020 IS WACK AF THE CANADIAN GOVT IS LITERALLY SUGGESTING FUCKING THROUGH WALLS TO STAY SAFE WITH COVID I CANT #gloryholes pic.twitter.com/exxsLbj9nl
— frenchie ? (@capnfrenchie) July 22, 2020
And if nothing else, you’ve got to hand it to Canadians for thinking outside the box. They did invent the telephone after all.
Most people: lets stay inside and distance
Canadian government: #gloryholes pic.twitter.com/7fO62WHrc5— bigE The Tismo (@xbigExofficial) July 22, 2020
The rest of the world: Wear masks to prevent the spread of Covid!
Canada: Glory Holes pic.twitter.com/QaG8N5Qnlm
— A. M. Lalonde (@am_lalonde) July 22, 2020
Although New York did seem to suggest it first when NYC health officials wrote the following in a recent three-page COVID-19 safer sex document:
Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact.
It does beg the question, is this a common thing people have in their homes?
The BC Centre for Disease Control is recommending using “glory holes” to practice safe sex during the pandemic — and I just want to know if this is a common thing people have in their homes. pic.twitter.com/sS7vmFuCDa
— Kamil Karamali (@KamilKaramali) July 21, 2020
If not, it will be now:
This item is now out of stock everywhere in BC. ??? #gloryholes pic.twitter.com/UyCwe41lSR
— Patrick W. (@Patrick96046390) July 22, 2020
Starting my new job today going door to door selling #gloryholes pic.twitter.com/WpAiu4nTiJ
— Ogilthorpe (@DaFonz5) July 22, 2020
Thanks to the British Columbia provincial government it’s official. It’s not just about hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes, and masks, peeps. You can now add “glory holes” to your list of PPE to help reduce the transmission of COVID-19.
And as for Canada? Prime Minister Trudeau might want to think about tweaking the national anthem from “God keep our land, glorious and free…” to “God keep our land, gloryholes and free…”
Just sayin’