Going through a divorce is never a pleasant process, whether you’re the initiator or not. With half of marriages in the U.S. alone ending in court, tying the knot only gives you a 50/50 chance of ‘happy ever after’ these days.
But, getting divorced doesn’t need to ruin your life. In fact, if you’ve been in the wrong marriage, it will impact your life (and your ex-spouse’s) for the better. Some people simply aren’t meant to be together; they hold each other back and drag each other down. In this situation, divorce can sadly be your only chance of happiness.
So, what do you do to stay positive when your marriage comes crashing down? These four things can help.
1. Find the Right Lawyer
A bad divorce lawyer will stress you out and you don’t need anybody else to be angry with right now. Find a divorce attorney who always has your back; they should give you the kind of support that you need whilst you’re severing ties with someone who used to be the most important individual in your life.
Where to find a good lawyer? Ask for personal recommendations, scour trusted online review sites, and put your feelers out on social media. Many law firms have active social media profiles; peek in the comments to get an idea of how they treat their clients.
2. See a Counselor
Divorcing the person that you once thought was ‘the one’ is a traumatic experience, there’s no doubt about it. Whether it’s something you’ve been planning for ages or it came as a massive shock, the procedure of divorce can take its toll and leave you screaming into your pillow at night.
Don’t go through it alone! A qualified counselor or therapist will provide you with a shoulder to cry on and tailored advice for your situation; talking therapies such as CBT show you better ways to deal with a very emotional situation.
3. Make Amends
It doesn’t matter whether the marriage ended because of you or your spouse, feeling either angry or guilty will do more damage to you than anyone else. Even if you feel your anger towards your spouse is righteous, it will gradually eat away at you inside and eventually trap you in a mental hell.
So, reach out and try to make amends. If you’re guilty, apologize whole-heartedly. If you are angry, try to forgive. You’ll probably never get back together, but hating each other will get you nowhere.
4. Cut Ties
On the other hand, making amends may simply never work for some couples. If your spouse committed a serious sin, abused you physically and emotionally, or was unfaithful then you may rightly never want to speak to or see them again.
If your spouse refuses to see sense and continues to give you grief, it’s best to cut ties. If this isn’t possible – for example if you have children together – try to keep contact to the bare minimum, for your own sake.
Have a question? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.