Parents, it’s time we talked about FORTNITE or whatever video game your child is currently obsessed with. Or rather, it’s time we get our kids to stop talking about their video games!
Honestly, I just can’t take it. I’ve lost all my patience for my son’s obsessions over the years. I know more than I ever wanted to about Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends and then there were the Pokemon years! Go ahead, ask me anything about Pokemon and I bet I know the answer.
There is no room left in my brain for any Fortnite, Roblox, or MINECRAFT knowledge. So I came up with a surefire plan to get my kid to stop telling me about his video games and I thought I’d share it with you.
Step One: Give Subtle Hints that You Are Not At All Interested
This will come fairly easily, since you are, in fact, not at all interested. The bulk of this step involves lots of “uh huhs” and “oh yeah?s” You kinda pretend like you’re listening but you’re not really. Make sure you don’t give your child your full attention at this point. That will only encourage more talking.
If you have a child that’s Fortnite age, you should be well practiced in this after years of hearing tons of facts about every Hot Wheels car ever made or whatever their first true obsession was about.
If this step doesn’t work (and honestly, it probably won’t because your kid most likely doesn’t even care if you are listening, they just want to spew Fortnight facts) continue to Step 2.
Step Two: Pretend to Fall Asleep
When your child misses all the subtle signs showing him that you are completely uninterested, it’s time to be a little more blatant. Pretend to fall asleep.
At this point you will want to give your child your full attention so that they don’t miss what you are about to do. Look your child right in the eyes, let your eyelids droop, let your head nod, and let out the loudest fake snore you are able to muster. This should work.
Except it probably won’t. Because again, if your child is anything like mine, he doesn’t even care. My kid is typically unfazed and just keeps trucking along. This is perfect reminder of how little your kids care about you compared to Fortnite. So you’re probably going to need to move on to Step 3.
Step Three: Forbid Talking About Fortnite
Ok parents, it’s time to break out the big guns. You make the rules and dole out the punishments because you are the boss. Use that power. Now is the time to tell your child they are no longer allowed to talk about Fortnight.
Do this for as long as you need- a half hour, a day, forever- whatever length of time you need to regain some SANITY and hopefully unlearn some facts you never wanted to know about this video game.
You know what though? This isn’t going to work either. Your kid is too smart and too driven to expel all their Fortnite nuggets to actually stop talking about fortnight. They’ll just be more sneaky about it.
For example, they may start talking about a friend at school who just got new sneakers or something that seems totally unrelated, but somehow always ends back at Fortnite. He might say, “He told me about the sneakers when we were playing Fortnite.” And you’ll be like, “I told you not to talk about Fortnite.” And he’ll be all, “I wasn’t, I was just talking about so and so from school and his new sneakers.” And you’ll be all, “I know what you are doing!” and oh my, I went off on a little tangent there. That’s my bad.
But this will bring us to our final step cause I think we all knew this one wasn’t really going to work either, right?
So now I give you: the only sure fire way to get your child to stop talking about Fortnight. You’re not going to like it, but it works.
Step Four: Let Them Play Fortnite
Just let them play already. It’s the only way! However, I must warn you that the more they get to play the more they’ll want to talk about it. To get them to stop talking about Fortnite, see Step One.