I’ve been a working mom my whole motherhood life. For the past ten years. Though at times I’ve thought I’ve wanted to be stay at home mom it was ALWAYS when I started to feel undervalued and underappreciated at work.
Other than those negative moments I don’t want to be a stay at home mom because it’s the most undervalued, underappreciated job there is.
There are times I’d rather be a working mom where I know my efforts are being recognized and appreciated.
I’d rather be a working mom than go home and face the demands that come with no thanks.
I have literally felt like Cinderella. Motherhood is the fairy tale in reverse.
I go home and the messes await. I will turn into the evil step mother losing my shit, hounding everyone to pitch in and do their part because no one can seem to see what needs to be done unless I point it out mess by mess, to do list by to do list.
Then there are so many behind the scene things I take care of as a mom that no one even has a damn clue about.
Who keeps the ongoing list of what’s needed from the grocery store?
Who keeps tracks of EVERYONE’s schedule?
Who packs all the kids and herself for every trip and schedules people to take care of the animals and house?
Who schedules all the bills to be paid and tracks the family budget and savings?
Have I ever received a thank you? Rarely. But do they even know I do this stuff? Honestly probably not unless I stopped doing it.
Then a whole other different set of shit would hit the fan as I cleaned up the fallout from not taking care of things.
Here’s the sad thing about motherhood. We become bitter and we start to not care.
The not nagging you anymore isn’t because we suddenly got nicer; it’s because we gave up. It’s too much on ourselves to take care of and care so much while everyone else in the house just takes our efforts and contributions for granted.
So, my whole sense of self cannot be grounded in motherhood or even our home or family.
That’s why I chose to become a working mom.
We throw ourselves into our work and take pride in our work because it gives us something back we don’t get at home.
Maybe that makes those of us that choose to work with motherhood selfish. We’re not the selfless kind because we didn’t give our whole sense of self over to motherhood.
But the act of selflessly giving myself completely over to motherhood would drown me.
Just as the truth of stay at home depression is coming out, I’m sadly acknowledging I choose work over being at home because I need to spend my days doing something that I feel others value.
I totally get that makes me sound insecure, and admitting this out loud saddens me and I can hear the negative criticism coming as I write this, but I also don’t think I’m alone.
We are isolated in motherhood, trapped in the false expectations that surround our reality.
I love my family but they make me feel invisible half the time. By nature I’m a caretaker and control freak and typically do enjoy taking care of things but the taking for granted and lack of value from others towards motherhood has left me bitter at times.
My work outside the home gives me a greater purpose; it give me as sense of value.
It fills something in me that my family simply cannot, and I feel extreme guilt for feeling that way. There are times I choose work over them because I get something positive back rather than facing the daunting task of going home and returning to Cinderella’s life.