I am not a calm person. On the scale of Zen, you’d probably find me somewhere between “cage rattling chimp” and “emotionally unstable gazelle desperately fleeing for it’s damn life across the Savanna”.
Now, this isn’t to say that I don’t wish I was a calmer person.
Many nights I’ve spent consulting the Google, looking for a cure to this beast inside me that makes me a crazy, yelling, nutbag of a person.
It was during these sessions of contrite research (all in the name of self improvement) that I found some simple, everyday suggestions to try and quell the struggle. I decided to give them a spin, and this is what happened.
Trying to Become a Calmer Person
Ok, so this should’ve been easy. I breathe to live, how hard could it be?
DAY 1 of Breathing
My kids were testing me but for the most part I stood firm. I felt my crazy rise up and I imagined it floating gently in a stream of green tea. I inhale and exhale. I’m zen, baby. Until bedtime… oh well.
There’s always tomorrow.
DAY 2 of Breathing, and the Kids Have Caught On
Upon noticing my unflappable demeanor, my children decided to regroup and attack with a more cohesive strategy. There’s yelling all around me and more things than usual have been broken.
I inhale and exhale.
There’s a used diaper on the floor and I can’t find the ass it belongs to. I look at myself in the mirror and make the sign of the cross with lavender essential oils on my fevered, furrowed brow.
DAY 3 of Breathing [Fire]
“Who needs to be calm, anyways?” I rationalize to myself as I visualize myself as a Gladiator, ready to take on the whole damn world if needs me. COMEANDGEDDIT.
Like fire, it appears the presence of all that oxygen only fueled my crazy.
Taking a Walk
Taking a walk was harder. My kids do this thing where they are always at me with their needs and wants (weird hey?).
Naturally I had to bring them because the urge to be a less than calm person strikes not only when it is timely for your partner/child care provider.
Most of my walks would begin by yelling “SHOES” for 20 mins, some would have the delight of putting a hat on and off my child 15 times or more while kindly strangers inquired about the lack of hat, but what they all in common was that they were 100 percent NOT RELAXING.
Taking Time Offline
As a stay at home mother this is my lifeline to the outside world. Many of my friends are online so an attempt at this is an exercise in crippling loneliness.
I call my real life friends and we make plans we are sure to break and remake over and over until April.
How to be a Calmer Person
In all seriousness, I really do desire to be a calmer person and will continue to try whatever strategies I can until I get it right.
Ultimately I need to remember to give myself grace because motherhood is a wild ride, and despite all the advice out there to take baths or journal yourself into peace, real life doesn’t always allow for that to be obtained easily.