I’m So Tired Of Trying So Hard

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I’m so tired of trying so hard.

“Hey honey, why don’t you come and just sit down and relax a little,” my husband asked as I was rummaging around in the kitchen cabinets.

I huffed under my breath at him. “I can’t, I just can’t,” I replied. “There’s just too much to do.”

“So much that you can’t come and sit down with me for five minutes?” He pushed a little harder.

I smacked the washcloth down on the counter and whipped around at him.

“No, actually I can’t. Because I have to get all of the leftovers put away and get these pots and pans soaking. Then I have to go and put the kids’ sheets in the dryer so I can make sure they are dry before bedtime. Also, we’re out of milk so I need to run into town before the grocery store closes. Oh, and we’re out of toilet paper, too. And the kids have been crying all day, I can’t even think straight or remember anything. Oh my gosh, did I have that meeting for church tonight? Holy crap, I can’t do all of this!”

I leaned up against the counter and began to cry.

Photo Credit: From Blacktop To Dirt Road/FB

There was a few moments of silence before I heard his footsteps coming towards me. I looked up just in time to see him spread his arms and wrap them around me.

“I’m so sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m just so overwhelmed. I’m tired of trying doing everything and feeling like I can’t juggle it all.” I paused. “I’m just so sick of trying so hard.”

He let me cry for a few minutes.

“You know you don’t have to do it all, right? It’s all going to still be here tomorrow. Let’s just leave some of it and we can get it in the morning,” he said.

“That’s just the thing, IT’S ALL GOING TO BE HERE AGAIN TOMORROW! It’s never ending! I can’t keep up!” I cried.

My husband looked me in the eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea there was so much on your plate. Let’s do this together. You go and switch out the laundry and just go take a few minutes and be by yourself. Take a few deep breaths. I’ll finish up these dishes, we can put the kids to bed, and then we can sit for a bit and talk about how I can help you more around here.”

That was it.

I was just done. Have you ever felt this way ladies?? Please tell me I’m not alone.

You see here’s the thing. I am overwhelmed enough as it is as the woman of our household. I just don’t feel like I can always keep up. But add my anxiety into the mix and you’ve got the recipe for a flipping hot mess. And after years of trying so hard, I’ve become tired of trying so hard. And I can’t do it anymore.

So I’m learning to ask for help. I’m learning to accept help. I’m learning how to manage my anxiety with prayer and Xanax. I’m figuring out what my limits are and when to let things just be undone. I’m recognizing when I need to slow down and JUST BE with my family. But most importantly I’m learning how to say no…

To myself.

No to allowing myself to try so hard. Because when I try that hard, I fall even harder. And I’m tired of falling, aren’t you friend?

I'm so tired of trying so hard."Hey honey, why don't you come and just sit down and relax a little," my husband asked…

Posted by From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Sunday, July 14, 2019

9 COMMENTS

  1. Every single of day of the summer. It is impossible to keep up. During the school year it doesn’t even take 10 minutes to clean. During the summer i never sit down. Or unplug my vacuum or put away the dishes cause they are constantly being used and cleaned.

  2. I have two special needs kids and no dishwasher… last time I asked my husband to help he said “Oh boo hoo, I do a lot of things that you don’t do…”
    Be thankful you’re with someone who cares about you enough to help.

  3. That’s me lol the only thing wrong with this was the husband hahaha – he didnt realize there was so much on her plate? Or saying SHE doesn’t have to do it all tonight? He offered to help?

    Well everything she listed was joint parenting responsibilities as he sat around….he shouldn’t offer to help because he should be already doing those things ? ?

  4. My life 20x a month – the only difference is when my husband looks in my eyes, he says, “well ok then, I’m going to bed.” Ha, who am I kidding? He’s already in bed.

  5. Yes this is what I have been saying and feeling bit have felt guilty for thinking of it this way. Sometimes I wonder why I try so much hard or care more than everyone else, it just stresses me out and makes me physically ill.

  6. I’m in thAt place often- except lately… if you’re anything like me maybe this will help.. I’ve been letting go of things- lots of things, my pretty serving things, my seasonal pretty decor things, the kids toys and board games and all the crafts and art supplies and leaving only a tiny handful because really kids don’t need much… it’s been working – I’ve felt more sane because it’s taken me much shorter time to clean everything- Im finally feeling like I’m winning at this…

  7. I feel your pain. I’m a mother of 5, and I work 7 days a week. To top it of I still have to cook, clean, wash clothes, do homework, take them to doctors appointment, wash dishes all by myself cause my so call husband doesn’t do shit. Besides go to work. If I don’t do it, it won’t get done. My day starts at 6-6:30am and ends at 3am. The best part is when people ask me why am I so tired or with am I such a bitch.

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