Mama, This Season is the Hardest

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Mama, this season is the hardest

When they’re little babies and you’re constantly checking their breathing, or you’re bemoaning their off-kilter sleep cycle.

Their poop looks unusual. Their screams are earth-shattering. Their latch is tearing your nipples up.

Mama, this season is the hardest.

When they grow into toddlers, and are trying to figure out how to express themselves.

They learn how to tantrum. They learn how to get mama’s attention fast with body flinging, or biting, or banging their heads against their cribs.

Mama, this season is the hardest.

They finally start in school and you’ve never missed them more.

They are making friends but also feeling the pangs of growing up through mean words, bullying, and not fitting in. You want to protect them but you know they need to start fighting their own battles and you hope you’ve taught them how. You hope they’re finding their way without you constantly by their side.

Mama, this season is the hardest.

Now they’re teenagers and you are the enemy.

They want nothing to do with you but still need everything from you. You try to hold your tongue and be a sounding board, but retain the balance of still being their parent and teaching them, guiding them. You feel them letting go and it hurts deep inside, but you try to stay strong. You know they still need you even though they act like they don’t.

Mama, this season is the hardest.

And now they’re gone. They’ve moved out, moved on.

They’re adults on paper but all you still see is your little baby playing grown up in the real world. You still want to hold them close, to keep them safe. You wish nothing bad for them, but know that it’s now completely out of your hands.

And you look back on the earlier years of life and think… THIS. Today. This letting go of them completely? This season is the hardest.

This post originally appeared on And What A Mom

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