“She’s so big. How much does she weigh?”
This was a question I was asked today by a little girl’s nanny in my daughter’s summer camp.
Yes, my little girl was in ear’s reach. Right there. Her baby browns looking up at mine, while her arms looped my legs, giving them a hug.
She is two and still has rolls on her arms. I heard they go away once babies start walking, but with my daughter, they stayed put. She has three solid rolls. There used to be six but now we are down to three.
This nanny, didn’t say it maliciously. We were just chit-chatting because we were both early and then…this question.
Ever since then it has been on my mind.
“She’s so big. How much does she weigh?”
Here is what I am asking. Please, please, please, never comment on my child or anyone else’s child’s weight and especially don’t do it in front of the child. My child is two, and I don’t think she understood, but she has two ears, that work very well. She picks up on a lot, and the only way I can get a good assessment on what she is picking up is when it is repeated. I don’t need this repeated, ever.
All she needs to think is that she is “so big” when she is so young, vulnerable, and little.
My answer: she is healthy, she is happy, and she is perfect. Her weight is not her worth.
And the next time you think it’s okay to comment on anyone’s size. It’s not. So, don’t.
And believe it or not, I will miss those rolls when they go away. I will show her pictures and tell her how beautiful she was…because she is.
This post originally appeared on Living a Full Life.
“She’s so big. How much does she weigh?”This was a question I was asked today by a little girl’s nanny in my…
Posted by Living A FULL Life on Tuesday, July 3, 2018
Wow, it seems like this mom projects her own issues with weight and size on to other people rather than taking responsibility for her own hyper-sensitivity. I would hope she would raise her daughter to be resilient when she feels triggered by other people’s non-malicious comments about size (and assert herself with malicious comments) rather than expect the world to fulfill her unrealistic expectations of only saying things she deems “appropriate”. The subjectivity of the what “appropriate” alone makes this expectation highly unlikely – not to mention any cultural or economic differences (e.g., in some cultures that have histories of poverty and limited access to food, it is a compliment to say someone else is “big” or even “fat”). Parents like this mother seem to feel they are in a place to educate other people about what is appropriate and what is not but seem to be somewhat myopic about their own limited awareness.