Yes, social distancing definitely took some getting used to for many (unlike work-from-home introverts like myself; this is our time to shine!), we’ve all been at this long enough now that it should be clear what’s expected.
Apparently not. Because while the urgency of social distancing is being promoted on every social media and mainstream news station, some people still don’t get it.
Hold onto your butts, people, because Samuel L. Jackson broke down exactly how social distancing is supposed to work with a hilariously profane video of himself reading a “children’s book” called… Stay The Fuck Home.
First of all, Samuel L. Jackson is one of America’s underrated celebrities- c’mon, who else’s acting prowess could bring a shred of theatrical respectability to a movie called Snakes On A Plane??
Jackson’s profanity-laden voice often graces my Alexa Echo, & I can tell you that I feel a perverse sense of joy listening to his voice (via Alexa) hurl at my husband, “I’m not reminding you of shit!”
Many celebrities have already posted public service announcements to remind their followers of the vital importance of staying home; Ryan Reynolds, Matthew McConaughey, Ben Stiller, Kylie Jenner, etc.
So Samuel L. Jackson decided to put his own “unique” spin on convincing people to stay home during the pandemic by appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live & reading aloud from home his own new “book”- Stay The F**k Home.
If you’re unfamiliar with Jackson’s prior audio experience with a similar title, he had recorded a version of himself reading aloud a similar tome: the best-selling children’s book (for sleep-deprived parents everywhere) by Adam Mansbach titled, Go The F**k To Sleep.
Jackson performed his latest rendition on Jimmy Kimmel’s late show from his own home theater.
After the two bantered back & forth on current events, Jackson got down to business:
Stay the f— at home. Corona is spreading, this sh– is no joke.
It’s no time to work or roam. The way you can fight it is simple my friends, stay the f*ck at home.
Seriously, peeps. Less roaming, more…. HOME-ING (You know. Keep your asses home).
Now technically I’m not a doctor, but most motherfuckers listen when I read a poem, so here I am, Sam fucking Jackson, imploring you: keep your ass at home.
I love the “technically” part. He may not be a doctor, but he’s probably played one at some point, & if the Karens on Facebook are declaring themselves medical authorities on all things corona, then so can Samuel F*ING Jackson, no??
If you want things to get back to normal, don’t panic- use your dome. Wash your hands, stop touching your face… and stay the fuck at home!
On point, Mr. Jackson. Though I sheepishly admit, I’m falling short on the “don’t touch your face” mandate. I had no idea how much I touched my own face on a daily basis… until we were all told not to.
On average, it’s about 1289 times a day… and that’s my own hands on my face. My kids touch my face at least another 3566 times a day, so FAIL.
Sure, you can still see your friends. Use the motherfucking app on your phone. But unless you just ran out of groceries, please- stay the fuck at home!
Our iPhones were MADE for this time in history, folks! Zoom, Google Hangouts, Facetime- the possibilities for staying connected are endless.
And don’t even get me started on TikTok, because look out, kiddos- every bored & quarantined parent is coming your way! Here comes a middle-aged rendition of the Renegade dance, youngins!
Thank you for doing your part to flatten the curve, because that shit is STEEP.
(As a New Yorker, I can confirm this as fact- it’s scary AF here right now.)
And now that you’re home, please feel free… to go the fuck to sleep!
(Kids, he’s talking to YOU, you rowdy little… well, as the great Samuel L. Jackson would put it: “motherf*%^ers”…!)
Jackson’s “Stay The F**k Home” is the perfect bedtime story to share with any irresponsible people you know that are still blatantly ignoring social distancing because they don’t.fucking.get.it.
We see daily headlines about the coronavirus’ newest victims every day; in fact, when I saw Danny Devito trending on Twitter, I nearly had a heart attack, assuming the worst. Turns out he had simply posted his own “stay home” PSA.
We all need to practice social distancing to protect national treasures like Danny Devito, and BETTY WHITE. (Dear god, please keep corona away from Betty White!)
But our “treasures” aren’t just celebrities- they are our grandparents. Our sisters. Our immuno-compromised family & friends. Our family & friends that aren’t immuno-compromised… & have died from Covid-19.
I know one personally. He was 42 years old, with no prior health issues. He died from it days ago, leaving a wife, three kids, & a teaching legacy.
And while he was just “one” Covid-19 case to the rest of the world, he was his family’s everything.
So for those that continue to think that the coronavirus is no big deal, that it’s “just a flu”… wake up. If it seems like no big deal to you, that’s only because it hasn’t hit your hometown hard enough. Yet.
But it’s hit my New York hometown, HARD. And just like Italian citizens did weeks ago, all I can do is plead with you to take it seriously. It may seem like it’s over there– a vague concept… until it hits YOUR town.
So in the words of the great Samuel L. Jackson:
Do your part & stay the FUCK home.
To hear Jackson’s poem in its entirety, check out the clip below at 6 minutes in: