Ahhhh Christmas, it really is the most wonderful time of the year! But it sure as shit isn’t because of some magical elf named Jolly Old St.Nick.
Oh no. You have your mother to thank for that.
And moms are happy to do it. Because our kids are only little for so long.
So we spend weeks (months) preparing for that one day out of 365 that our kids look forward to ALL.YEAR.LONG.
We bake shortbread cookies and build gingerbread houses. We trim trees and string lights. We hang stockings and move that stupid little Elf on a Shelf.
We vacuum up endless pine needles and wipe up glitter from the ornaments we hand-crafted from now until the end of time.
We spread joy and cheer, and douse it all in magical elf dust.
And let’s not forget about the presents. We spend hours pouring over Christmas lists and toy catalogs graffitied with our children’s favorite picks. We physically wander the aisles of Target and virtually scour the pages of Amazon.com.
We make certain to pick the PERFECT gifts, the ones we know will elicit squeals of joy and bring smiles to the faces of the ones we love.
And we don’t expect anything in return.
Good thing, because if Christmas morning at your house is anything like Saturday Night Live’s latest Christmas sketch, your family’s short on giving and looooong on receiving. Bless them. Each and every one.
In a hilarious 2-minute and 29-second skit, SNL nails what Christmas morning is really like for moms and it is painfully accurate.
The sketch opens with Kristen Wiig and her SNL husband, Beck Bennett, being woken up in typical Christmas morning fashion, with their kids bounding onto their bed.
As with all kids, they are beyond excited to open their presents. And no doubt. Because as far as Christmas hauls go? This one is pretty epic. At least for SOME of the members of the family, that is.
Wiig’s son (played by Kyle Mooney, daughter (played by Chloe Fineman), and husband start it off by taking turns rapping the presents they’ve received:
“Well, I got a Nerf gun. I got a hat. I got an autographed baseball Bat. I got a telescope, I got a globe, I got a watch…”
As for Wiig? She raps:
“And I got a robe.”
Which may just be the mom-est mom gift ever.
But they’re not done yet. The song continues and so do the gifts. Mostly.
“I got Hulk hands. I got a tie. I got a copy of the Catcher in the Rye. I got a drum set. I got a phone. I got a pen…”
And mom, mom got a robe. Not another robe, mind you. The same robe.
I’m starting to sense a theme here.
The gifts just keep on coming and get more and more elaborate.
The husband receives an outdoor pizza oven and a laptop. The son receives a cameo from McLovin and a drone. The daughter is gifted a hoverboard.
As for mom? Yup, still just the robe.
It is at this point that we start to see mom’s cheery facade and excitement over the robe begin to crack.
With a smile plastered on her face and her eyes blinking rapidly (which we all know is a clear indication that she’s lying), mom says:
Thanks for the robe, it’s really really nice. I love this robe guys, this is great.
While her family continues to open up their neverending supply of gifts, including headphones, the piano from BIG, and a vintage Pinball machine, Wiig heads to the kitchen to make more magic and breakfast.
As she tries desperately to convince herself that she isn’t slowly dying inside she discovers the robe she “loves so much” also happened to be on sale – for 40% off. Yay.
And while her dearly beloveds focus on swords, shades, rollerblades, and a Lego Millenium Falcon, mom focuses on hiding the pain (both literal and emotional),
“I burned my arm in the oven. It hurt pretty bad, but I didn’t even scream, ’cause I keep the pain inside of me”
Eventually, the family moves onto their stockings which are stuffed full of goodies. Except for mom’s. Because it’s EMPTY. Which is totally fine.
She only hangs it up “because it looks kinda weird if it’s missing in pictures.”
But wait, what’s this I see? A few more presents underneath the tree? And for just a second, mom’s heart dares to dream a little dre…annnnd that’ll be a nope.
It’s presents for the DOG. Because of course it is. He’s such a good boy, yes, he is! And he deserves ALL THE PRESENTS, including his very own robe!
The skit ends with dad taking a family selfie while mom pleads for him not to as she’s been up until 4 in the morning, making everything magical and shit.
As the screen pans onto mom reclining on the couch, drinking a much-needed glass of wine (still in her robe that she loves so much), a voiceover reminds the audience:
“Your mom does everything for your family. This year, get her more than one present. Moms like stuff too.”
It’s true. We really really do like stuff too. And lucky for you there’s still time to show the mom in your life just how much you appreciate her.
Regardless of what Christmas morning looks like for us moms, the reality is that we will keep on doing what we’ve always done, year after year: making it the most wonderful day of the year for the people we love.
Because that’s just what moms do.