There will come a day when you have something you don’t want YOUR HUSBAND to have easy access to and you’ll need to hide it. Whether it’s the holiday candy you don’t want him or the kids inhaling all at once, an electronic (*cough cough*) device, the other half of the Target haul you didn’t mention, or some other piece of contraband, a secure hiding spot is going to come up.
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Speaking from experience, there are different levels of security you want for your personal Fort Knox. Something SCANDOLOUS deserves a much harder spot than that movie you don’t want to watch for the fifth freaking time, for instance.
So here are a few different ideas for hiding places, with some notes about their relative security and usefulness.
Golden Oldie: Put it Up High
Some classics stay classic for a reason. The High Shelf™ was used against you as a child and now it’s your turn to open up that cupboard over the fridge and stuff something in, because the simple law of “out of sight, out of mind” hasn’t changed in all these years.
- Security level: Eight. But be aware that once The Shelf is discovered it loses its power and you’ll have to find another one.
Right in Plain Sight
Let’s be honest. If they can’t see their shoes, which are dumped in the middle of the floor right in front of the shoe shelf, which has been by the door for the LAST THREE YEARS, ever since you moved . . . odds of them finding that treat you want to hide are also pretty low. Just put the box of cookies in the middle of the pantry shelf and watch their eyes pass right over it.
- Security level: Five. For regular, everyday objects you have to pinpoint the location exactly with minute verbal descriptions. If you don’t want your man to get at it, simply refrain from giving those verbal clues.
Two Inches to the Left, and Partly Underneath Something Else
It’s a well-known fact that placing something in front of another object makes it disappear. Magicians do it all the time. Bring the magic into your own home by lightly draping a sweater over those presents hiding in the closet.
- Security level: Six. This one works perfectly up until, once in a while, it doesn’t. Like those trick photos, something clicks and then it’s visual again.
Disguised as a Job
For those very personal objects you’ve got to pull out the failsafe hiding places. For absolute security try adding the ELEMENT OF EFFORT.
On the highest shelf, surrounded by holiday decorations that will have to be unpacked or projects that need to be organized, should offer you the maximum amount of hide for your forbidden things.
Alternatives include behind the attic door when you’ve mentioned how you really need to clean it out up there a little, or in that part of the closet that stores the things you keep meaning to sort and take to the thrift store.
- Security level: Ten. In fact, this is so secure that you might have hidden it from yourself. On the bright side, you’ll have fun discovering whatever it is ten years later.
Bonus: All of these hiding places not only work on husbands, but on THE KIDS, too. You’re welcome.