Trigger warning, the story below is very raw and gets into some unsettling and uncomfortable details about the realities of miscarriage.
Even in 2022, there are still topics around pregnancy health that remain taboo to discuss in public.
But thanks to many brave people who have shared their stories of loss and pain, the topic of miscarriage is becoming one that we can talk about in a public forum in a compassionate and empathetic manner.
Twitter user Kristen R. Moore, shared the following tweet bringing awareness to something that is rarely talked about,
“Today, I paid over $1000 out of pocket for my miscarriage. They didn’t tell me it would cost so much to lose a baby. Here are other things they don’t tell you about miscarriages. A thread based on my experience. CW: miscarriage & infertility.”
The twitter thread is possibly one of the most jarring and unshakably honest published takes on miscarriage that I have ever seen.
Her thread starts by her surprise by how much it costs to have a miscarriage, which is something that I have never heard anyone discuss before. For Moore, the cost was $1000 out of pocket, but we don’t know if she incurred costs to her insurance.
According to Parents Magazine, it can cost upwards of $10,000 for a miscarriage.
It’s horrifying to learn that most patients who require medical help with a miscarriage will ultimately be left without emotional or financial help.
Parents included an example that shows how patients who need a common procedure called dilation and curettage (D&C), which is what a surgeon does to remove anything left from a miscarriage from the uterine lining can cost between $2,400 and $7,500.
In 14 follow-up tweets, Moore gets gut-wrenchingly candid about what she experienced with her miscarriage.
“1. It takes a long time. It’s not an event that’s suddenly over. It’s like a fucking marathon. A sad, dehydrated marathon with nothing on the end but empty.”
Moore describes her physical condition, placing an emotional template on the reader to help understand what she went through.
The graphic details open the flood gates of comments and others shared their pain and the harshness of surprise at they also endured.
“This. The time between “sry there’s no heartbeat” & my dnc was 4 weeks. It took another 6 weeks for my body to stop thinking I was pregnant ie the post-surgery bleeding & the return of my period& I kept having symptoms like my baby was progressing. NOBODY TELLS YOU THIS,” wrote one user.
Another user shared how the drawn-out nature of a miscarriage can oftentimes feel like a trauma being repeated.
Moore speaks to how the system is broken, too.
Moore’s thread is very long and goes into incredible detail, but one aspect that stood out was that she clearly describes how despite her pain and confusion, the system around her still found a way to manipulate her and refuse to let her make healthcare choices for herself.
“3. There is medication to help the miscarriage along. It is used for abortion, too, and your pharmacist may treat you like you’re entering an abortion clinic when you want more information about how it works,” starts one tweet.
Moore goes on to explain that “the most commonly used medication is officially prescribed for ulcers; all use for miscarriage management is ‘off books.’ This gives your pharmacist permission (tacit or explicit) to deny you information about vaginal (rather than oral) use.”
Many people don’t know that there are medications that can help a miscarriage along.
Or that sometimes medication is needed because infections or other complications can occur.
Still, though, Moore’s description brought to light how others have experienced this little-discussed aspect of pregnancy loss.
In one heartfelt and illuminating exchange, two Twitter users briefly shared their experience with taking the same medication.
And when it was all over, Moore heard the chorus line that many people who miscarry will inevitably hear by well-meaning friends and family.
“12. Related, do not recommend: ‘But you can try again soon, right?’ upon hearing the news. Also, do not recommend: ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ Or ‘This is all part of God’s plan.'”
And her final tweet in the thread, which really left me feeling sucker-punched as a reader was this:
“14. It’s expensive and painful (like birth) and at the end you don’t get anything except a bill and a new playlist called, “Shit to help you get through the baby that never was.”
I know we collectively feel the need to smother an experience with feel-good words to rationalize away the darkness. But what if we sit in silence with our friends who are grieving?
It is high time we stop treating pregnancy loss like a topic of discussion unfit for polite company.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable and sad.
Yes, it is painful and ugly.
But forcing those who have experienced it to suffer in silence and solitude is never ok. Let’s hope this Twitter thread — and other public comments like it — change the rules of the game for pregnancy in 2022.
You can read the full twitter thread here:
Today, I paid over $1000 out of pocket for my miscarriage. They didn’t tell me it would cost so much to lose a baby. Here are other things they don’t tell you about miscarriages. A thread based on my experience. CW: miscarriage & infertility.
— Kristen R. Moore (@kristen4moore) November 1, 2021