We all adore our kids, but as any veteran parent knows, even our little darlings have their less-than-stellar moments as far as general decency goes. In other words – kids are gross.
As kids begin to learn about various social norms like hygiene, cleanliness, and social etiquette, they often either bend those rules of decency, or outright break them- often with smelly, germy results. We parents are forced to witness things that a human being should never have to see. Or smell.
The parents of Twitter know all about those appallingly gross & nasty moments of parenting; read along as they share their own hilarious experiences with
First of all, kids are germ magnets. And they apparently find germs delicious.
— Christina Ferraro (@ChrisFerraroCNP) April 7, 2018
2. And speaking of licking, they love to lick things. WEIRD things.
Please stop licking the head rest. And other things I’ve had to say to my kids today. Because, motherhood.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) November 4, 2018
3. In fact, they love to lick all.the.things. (Why?? Why do they DO that??)
You know you've seen a lot of gross stuff as a parent when you watch your 4yo lick something in public and think, "Eh. He's licked worse."
— Mom Life: Perfection Pending the Book (@PerfectPending) April 25, 2016
4. Kids are also obsessed with picking their noses.
Kids may dance like nobody's watching, but they also pick their nose like nobody's watching. So we'll call it a draw.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 25, 2018
5. Seriously- they can’t wait to do it!
— Single Twin Mum Life (@happyemzy) March 8, 2018
6. And they have NO PROBLEM sharing the, um, results, with anyone. Anywhere.
I wish I had the guts to walk in a house picking my nose then wipe my boogers on the couch while maintaining eye contact. Kids are badasses.
— Sweatpants Cher ? (@House_Feminist) August 26, 2015
7. They stop picking their noses eventually- with your help.
4: (picking at her nose)
Me: Don't do that! It's gross!
4: ok. (Snuggles up next to me, sweetly takes my hand and wipes it across her nose)
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 20, 2016
8. Kids tend to hoard all sorts of germy things.
"One man's trash is every kid's most favorite thing in the whole world ever, Mommy please don't throw it away I love it so so much and I can't live without it!!!"
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) October 25, 2018
9. And they LOVE to share those germy things with you.
4yo: You want a Tootsie Roll?
Me: Sure! Thanks, sweetie. *pops in mouth*
4yo: I keep them in my shoe.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) April 16, 2015
10. You never know where kids’ hands have been (well, unfortunately, sometimes you do).
At least 80% of raising boys is asking them to get their hands out of their pants.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) February 23, 2017
11. Washing their hands before eating isn’t a kid’s strong suit.
7yo: I got duck poop on my hand
Me: Ok, don't touch anything until we get home
*looks in back seat
7yo: *already eating crackers
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 11, 2017
12. Neither is washing their hands after… ew. Just ew.
5: daddy can I tell you a secret?
Me: sure thing buddy
5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 9, 2015
13. Just getting them to wipe their hands after meals is tough (on a NAPKIN, that is).
Go get a napkin? Why the hell would I do that when I'm already rocking these sweet ass napkin pants?
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 3, 2017
14. And let’s not even get into the horrors of how they brush their teeth. Or don’t.
Me: "It's bedtime; did you brush your teeth?"
7 yr old: "Yes- here, smell."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 3, 2017
15. In fact, the smell can go beyond unbrushed teeth & become a “whole body” aroma.
"OMG EW DID YOU FART OR IS THAT JUST HOW YOU SMELL"
-a thing I said today to a person I gave birth to
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 6, 2017
16. But despite the germs/nastiness, most kids stay healthy (We said kids. Not YOU).
Parenting a two-year old in four steps:
1.) Watch your kid eat something off the floor.
2.) They don't get sick from it.
3.) They sneeze on you.
4.) Now you have strep throat.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 23, 2018
Kids- we know they’re kind of gross, but we still love ’em!