Can we all just calm the hell down about this whole mom wine culture thing? Can we just be the teeniest bit realistic about this please?
I have a confession to make, and right now, according to social media, it’s pretty scandalous. I’m talking Scarlett Letter level stuff here folks. Brace yourselves. You may want to sit down. Here we go:
I am a mom. I am a good mom. And I drink wine.
Yep, I said it. I drink wine several nights a week in fact. I have a glass of wine to wind down after a long day. A glass. Not a bottle. And I don’t have to explain my reasons why, or justify my motives for doing so to anyone.
Now stop clutching your pearls and gasping in horror please. I am not going to convince you to come to my compound in the woods and force you to drink wine while awaiting the end of days. I’m not going to tell everyone you aren’t a cool kid and use mean girl tactics and grade school peer pressure to lure you over to the dark side.
I’m not going to tell all the other moms I know that you are #lame. And do you know why I won’t be doing any of those things?
Because I frankly could not care less if you choose not to drink wine.
I have never, in seventeen years of parenting and attending sporting events, play-dates, play groups, mom groups, book clubs, Tupperware parties, or school council meetings, been pressured to drink.
Has wine been offered to me? Of course it has. Let’s face it, Tupperware parties benefit from a little bit of vino.
But on many occasions, I have said no. Other moms have said no.
And do you know what happened? Literally nothing. The moms who wanted wine drank wine and the moms who didn’t want wine didn’t drink wine, people bought sandwich keepers and we all went home.
End of story.
Honestly, I have felt more pressure from other moms to fix everything with essential oils over the years than I have ever felt pressure to drink.
But right now there is a movement on social media. A movement telling us all that being a mom and drinking wine is wrong. Moms are now “sober curious” – it’s a thing. Look it up. Because, according to the social outcry, none of us are consuming responsibly or in moderation.
Based on t-shirts that you see in Target (which are a joke by the way) and memes you see on social media about drinking to deal with our kids (more jokes), we are all just a bunch of wine soaked idiots who pound back a couple of bottles every single night and likely have wine in our travel mugs while we hit the grocery store or junior’s piano lesson.
Also, if other moms do not drink wine, we are going to banish from the cool kids table and refuse to allow them to be part of our elite group of wine crazed mom drunks.
It’s hurtful. And quite simply untrue.
And, frankly – I don’t buy into this thought that all these moms are drinking all the time in order to cope with parenting anyway.
This ridiculous idea being splashed all over social media is simply driving moms farther apart.
It’s making the moms, like myself, who do enjoy a glass of wine to relax, or because we simply enjoy nice wine, feel ashamed. It’s making us feel like we have to lie. It’s yet one more thing that moms are feeling judged by other moms over and it needs to stop.
Is alcoholism a very real and dangerous disease? Absolutely.
My father was an alcoholic and so was my ex-husband. I am completely aware of how very real this disease is. If you need alcohol to get through your day, it’s a problem.
If you are driving around town with alcohol in your travel mug, it’s a problem.
If you cannot take care of your daily responsibilities or have trouble keeping a job, it’s a problem.
If you find that rather than having a glass of wine to relax at night, you need several glasses throughout the day to deal with your children, it’s a problem. If your family is suffering and your relationships are strained because of your drinking, it’s a problem.
However, for the majority of us, it is not a problem.
And, it’s just a stereotype that I find to be untrue. And the mom shaming needs to stop.
If we continue to judge moms for every little thing, they are going to hide their feelings and their actions. They are going to lie to friends and spouses. They are not going to reach out for help when they need it. They will be too ashamed to do so. And that my friends, is the real problem here.
So remember that the jokes are just that – jokes. Most of us aren’t hiding alcohol in our water bottles at soccer practice.
Moms who drink wine love their kids. Moms who don’t love their kids. We’re all good moms.
As far as the “wine culture” that’s so prevalent among moms? I don’t know. I’m just not buying it. But, the coffee culture? Now that’s a real thing.