In a word, pandemic life BLOWS. Nothing about it feels normal, or comfortable, and we’re all constantly required to adjust how we do things in order to adapt to our new way of life.
Coronavirus has ruined a lot of cool stuff, too. Milestone events that we all look forward to -graduations, baby showers, weddings, etc.- were all cancelled for several months due to social distancing measures.
When it comes to weddings, well, you can’t blame a couple for being devastated for having to cancel their long-awaited special day because of a stupid virus. While weddings have been controversial as sources of coronavirus transmission, some couples are determined to have their wedding day.. F* Coronavirus, man! Let the wedding bells ring!
And that’s exactly what one “couple” did…
One man’s faux wedding invite from a (pseudo) couple declaring, “Fuck Covid- We’re Keeping Our Date!” has gone viral as social media users react strongly to the invite’s outrageous description of the event.
Twitter user Dan White created quite an Internet stir when he shared a wedding invite that he allegedly received. The happy couple, Erica Fartlander and Dustin Ween, were all set to celebrate their nuptials in front of their friends and family. ALL of their friends & family.
(Heh heh… he said “Fartlander”.)
White tweeted a pic of the invite:
Damn. Just got this in the mail. pic.twitter.com/Vqd9mPFxav
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) September 21, 2020
Before we get to social media’s reaction to this shindig, let’s take a moment to absorb it’s offensive awesomeness, shall we??
Yeah, seriously- FUCK Covid-19! I’m already right there with this couple. (And note the lovely scripted font, because this couple is all about keeping things classy.)
We’re keeping our date!
Good for you, young lovers! That reception hall deposit alone is worth keeping the date for. I support you.
No masks allowed! We want to see everyone’s beautiful mouths!
Wait… what? I’m not sure I’m digging the anti-mask mandate; I was planning on color-coordinating my dress & mask…
We will have a designated “Cough Room”.
Healthy people to the left, Covid crew to the right in our designated “cough room”. So any of you Covid-positive wedding guests please exit to the right for any viral hacking.
(Although allergy sufferers like me might spend the entirety of the reception in the cough room… just saying.)
Taking lots of photos of grandparents in case anything happens.
“Come over here for a few photos, Grandpa. Let’s get one more, just in case. There are some lovely deviled crabs being served in the cough room, Grandpa.”
So for Ms. Erica Fartlander and Mr. Dustin Ween, the show must go on, and the guests must be sans masks!
(Again, “Fartlander”. Apologies to anyone that might actually be graced -or cursed- with this surname, but it has me cackling like a 12-year-old boy.)
While Dan’s invite was facetious, Twitter did what Twitter does best, which is to roast the Covid-19 wedding invite, real or otherwise.
There were many that took the invite seriously, & shared their unbridled (pun intended) opinion of the couple’s wedding plan:
If I were you I’d cut them out of my life. Their priorities are fucked up
— autobots roll out (@Nametak91114174) September 22, 2020
No, it’s not their priorities that are fucked up, Mr. Autobots Roll Out, it’s COVID-19; didn’t you read their invitation??
Can this be real? They might as well just hire the divorce attorneys right now in case they live long enough to get divorced. They should also make advance directives. What a small minded stupid self-centered pair. Quite possibly they deserve each other.
— CrazyOldLady #HumanScum #NastyWoman (@CrazyOldLady10) September 22, 2020
With names like Fartbender and Dustin Ween (dust-in-the-wind), they DO deserve each other; they seem perfectly matched, no?
Not sure they could sound more ignorant.
— Denise Anderson ?? (@DeniseA24462829) September 22, 2020
Oh, I bet they could. They didn’t even mention the gloveless buffet meal or the lickable chocolate fountain being served at the reception on the invite, but…
Tacky. I get the feeling that this wedding would be the tackiest of tackiness, even without COVID-19.
— Fight Ignorance (@Fact_Check_Er) September 22, 2020
I’m pretty sure it’s tacky enough WITH the whole “Fuck Covid-19” thing, but to each her own…
— Captain Picadilloway?? (@Picadil73588095) September 22, 2020
A picture’s worth 1,000 words, and this gif is worth the 1,000 people that end up with Covid-19 from coming into contact with the wedding guests.
Well, here’s an opportunity to send that “In Deepest Sympathy” card with your gift.
— Why To Wit Ter (Meesh) (@why_two_wit) September 22, 2020
PERFECT! Absolutely perfect!
Honeymoon to be held on a ventilator in an ICU ward.
— Linda (@ZenPuppy108) September 21, 2020
Do “His” and “Her” bathrobes come as part of the ICU package?
Then there are those who instantly knew that the Fartlander-Ween wedding was indeed a farce, and roasted it in classic Twitter fashion.
How dare you people question the legitimacy of the Fartlander-Ween wedding! For shame. For shaaaame.
— Buek (Huge celebrity, blue check mark) (@TooMuchKarate) September 21, 2020
Exactly! How dare you question the validity of this union, and the countless Weenies that are surely soon to follow!
Had to be fake I refuse to believe people can be this wack
— Search for it bro. (@SearchBro) September 22, 2020
For the record: yes, it’s fake, but yes, people can be this wack. Seriously.
She can’t wait for pandemic to end to get rid of that last name
— Rawdog Rodriguez (@Sgt_Savage37) September 22, 2020
Desperate times call for desperate measures…
I realized it was a joke by the designated cough room part… But if I’m being brutally straightforward, I’m certain that’s not the craziest thing anti-maskers could come up with.
— Lil Swatty FTP ??? (@another_furboy) September 22, 2020
I mean, he’s not wrong… *shrug*
Is this a joke? A parody? The world is so topsy-turvy that I don’t what’s even plausible anymore
— Gayger Counter (@PearlDiver19) September 22, 2020
It’s corona-time, baby! Anything’s possible!
Umm it’s the family Fartlander. You’ll need masks, trust me.
— Derick (@esplanerd) September 22, 2020
A cheap fart joke always wins!
David’s tweet quickly went viral, with over 181K likes and 19K retweets in just under three days. People couldn’t get enough of the Fartlander-Ween wedding hoopla! And just in case you’re planning to crash the (fictitious) wedding, be sure to check out the couple’s wedding registry at Bed, Bath, & Beyond… complete with air purifiers and digital thermometers.