I Wish I Had Know It Would Be The Last Time I Got to Hold You

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Kids grow up so fast don’t they? When they are newborns they are so helpless, depending on us for everything.

Feeding them. Changing them. Keeping them clean and dry.

Those are some hard, sleepless nights.

I remember thinking will I ever sleep again?

But what if God told you how many nights we would have to get up with your kids. What if you knew you only had 213 nights to wake up with your baby?

Would you hold on to each one or say thank God I’m almost done? I think most of us would hang on to those nights knowing they were going faster than they felt.

What if you knew the last day you’d be able to pick your child up and hold them?

Would you hang on to them so tight and so long knowing that was the last time you would hold them completely in your arms?

God doesn’t give us a countdown or a magic calendar. Time is never promised. With each phase of our children’s life, it passes, and another takes it place. But we never know when that will be.

Last night my oldest daughter, Lila, was needing Mommy a little more than usual.

She is my tender-hearted, loves to snuggle, loves her Mama child. She loved to be held and rocked for hours when she was a baby.

I can’t remember the last time I rocked her to sleep.

Now my 4-year-old wild child, not so much. She never much liked to be held.

When I would try to rock her, she would squirm so much I would just give up and put her in bed.

But Lila was different. She wanted to be with me all the time.

She wanted me holding her, rocking her, or lying next to her. So last night she raised up her arms as her sign to “hold me Mommy”.

When I picked her up she felt heavy. It made me think, boy when was the last time I had picked her up?

Her legs were no longer bundled up in my chest they were hanging long, to my knees. And for a brief second, I thought to myself, will this be the last time I hold you?

Will this be the last time I hold you in my arms, completely hold you as my baby girl?

God don’t let this be the last time. I’m not ready. I know it will happen but not right now.

Give me a little more time for her to want to be held by her Mama. Time is going by too fast.

They always say the days are long, but the years are short. That’s so very true. Just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital and now she’s headed to first grade.

I can’t let you go yet, big girl. Mommy wants to hold you forever.

I wish I had known it would be the last time I got to hold you, because I would have never let you go.

This post originally appeared on Magnolia Moms

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