We’re weeks into social distancing now, and two types of quarantiners seem to be emerging in this recent life shift.
There are those that have been using this time to better themselves: exercising, studying new languages, setting up a Pinterest-perfect homeschooling work room for their kids.
And then there are the rest of us slackers, who are perfectly content to let our “normal” life standards slide for the time being.
We don the same sweats for days on end, binge-watching Tiger King on Netflix & obsessively scrolling through TikTok videos as we eat our weight in frozen pizza every night (Anyone else? Just me?).
It’s safe to say that for most of us, our appearance expectations have lowered considerably.
And for some, those expectations have gleefully been tossed by the wayside. Forget the three-day worn yoga pants; we’re more in the realm of, “pants now optional” sort of low.
A Maryland police department recently issued a public ultimatum to remind people to wear pants when going outside to pick up their daily mail.
It appears that the residents of Taneytown, Maryland, have taken relaxing at home to a whole new level.
While opting to go pantless in the privacy of your own home is your decision, scooping up your daily mail & waving to the neighbors while clad in your tighty-whities is frowned upon, apparently.
The police department claims to have had enough of people grabbing their mail sans pants, & they issued a hilariously specific warning to the town’s 7,000 residents on their public Facebook page:
Oh, snap! I suspect that there are at least a few Taneytown neighbors that are now reconsidering their footloose and fancy-free jaunt to their mailbox each day, taking to heart the police’s stern:
You know who you are.
(I’m talking to the dude that lives four doors down from me. And the woman who lives across the street. And it’s likely some of you out there, too- you know who you are.)
But the best part? The offenders have apparently already been warned about their pantless faux pas, because:
This is your final warning.
I’m sure the Taneytown police force has better things to do than to circle the town attempting to ticket the underwear offenders, but their warning likely hits home for MANY people currently doing the same.damn.thing. on their mail run each morning!
Before anyone gets their nose bent out of joint, keep in mind that Taneytown Police Department’s “warning” is intended to be tongue-in-cheek, & we could ALL use some humor right now.
In case there was any doubt on their sense of humor, check out another one of their public “bulletins”:
(And yes- their social distancing ditty is set to the tune of “Baby Shark”, which will now be in your head ALL DAY LONG. You’re welcome.)
Although the department’s “warning” regarding pants was amusing, it’s the reaction of the masses that makes it true comedy gold.
Most of us quarantined folk agree- pants are definitely NOT deemed “essential” (though for some of my family members, they should be. Just saying.)
This is ‘Murica, dammit- we’ll wear what we want! (Or NOT wear what we want).
Some of my neighbors must think life is WAY TOO SHORT.
Seriously! Don’t our police have better things to do, like fighting crime? (Is crime still a thing? Who even knows? It’s been awhile since we’ve all been out there, after all…)
Listen- when the stimulus check arrives, clothing is optional.
Because YAY! (Just don’t let the Taneytown Police Department catch you jumping in glee on your lawn in your nekkid glory, because that was your final warning.)
My personal favorite: The comment that assumes a neighbor MUST have reported him, because he most certainly was strolling out to the mailbox in his bare-buttocked glory (And his Joe Exotic profile pic makes him an automatic winner!).
Of course Twitter wasn’t content to let Facebook have all the fun; they too got into the spirit of sharing their thoughts on the Taneytown police pants edict.
— Chris® (@crsofr) April 15, 2020
Are there pantless permits? If not, there should be.
Brings new meaning to the term junk mail.
— Bambi Ax Handle (@Bambi_Ax_Handle) April 15, 2020
Is she’s wrong, then I don’t want to be right, because that’s hysterical!
Absurd. Pants belong to the World Before now.
— Doctor LURK (@doctorLURK) April 15, 2020
Just like hugs, hair salons, fully stocked toilet paper aisles, and all of the other good things we took for granted.
— Josh Parker (@TheRealJParker) April 15, 2020
If the celebrities can encourage us to stay home, they can also encourage us to skip the pants, m’kay?
@Yuhas42 @JohnMcLain_EY @Matt_Bechtel pic.twitter.com/iKSvQ1YT8J
— ShannonHarvey (@ShannonHarvey) April 16, 2020
Due to social distancing, this helpful assistance no longer applies. If you’re caught sans pants by the po-po, you’re on your own, sucker!
— Tommy Eastman (@eastman_tommy) April 16, 2020
Our normal rules no longer apply- this is quarantine life, baby!!
While some social media users took umbrage with the Taneytown Police Department “pants warning”, the majority grasped that it was meant to be a fun quarantine life.
We’ve all let some things slip as the days flow by, and if your dress code is one of the life aspects that has sunk to a surprising low, well, join the club!
And no worries: while Taneytown is supposedly insisting that people put on pants before checking their mailboxes, we’ve still got our freedom, citizens.
There’s no rule about wearing pants for putting your garbage out, thankfully.
And both me and my next-door neighbor are extremely grateful for that, because quarantine or not, pants seem less essential when you hear the garbage truck approaching & realize you forgot to bring the cans out. There’s still (pantless) joy to be had, folks!