The coronavirus pandemic has required us to modify so much about our daily life, & it’s been unsettling to say the least. We’ve all had to adapt to being home 24/7, day after day, and the struggle with cabin fever is real.
Remember when we could drop our kids off at school, and they’d stay there all.day.long? That was fun.
And remember when their teachers used to be the ones that had to do classwork with these kids? Ah… memories. Sweet memories.
To be fair, most teachers are doing a fantastic job transitioning into online learning with their students, which is no easy feat. I’ve watched my 6-year-old son’s teacher patiently navigate her way through an online meeting with 14 chattering first graders, & let me tell you- we are not paying these teachers enough money. Seriously.
Although online learning is convenient during this time of quarantine, it comes with its own set of potential pitfalls. And I’m not talking just about the technical issues.
Unlike, say, the Kardashians, most of us aren’t used to live cameras crowding into the sanctity of our (formerly) private homes.
But thanks to the now nearly constant use of live video conferencing apps like Zoom and Google Hangouts, we now risk exposing our private moments -and private PARTS- to the outside world while unaware.
A mom’s Facebook post has gone viral after she shared her hilarious tale of unintentionally giving her child’s class an impromptu peep show that shall henceforth be known as #Coronabush.
Mom Meghan Mazar Oeser admitted that like many of us, she was already over this whole virtual e-learning thing by DAY 1.
Oeser’s the mother of six kids, so attempting to juggle multiple online schedules, online assignments, & virtual meetings was a total fail straight out of the gate.
I too have six kids, so I can confirm that the sudden shift to online learning was a virtual #shitshow. Too much technology, & not enough mom to go around to help everyone navigate it.
Meghan admits that while she used to consider herself a formerly “tech-savvy person”,
Not today. I am no longer savvy. I am now a day drinker. I’m done.
(Same, girl. SAME.)
But in an effort to refresh herself from the mental toil, Meghan decided to take a shower. She’d had a good run -it was 7 straight days in the same sweatpants, so Meghan is nothing if not consistent, am I right?
It was a good thing, too, because:
The orange Cheeto residue that fell onto the floor after removing my bra was also another solid indicator that it was time.
(I’m surprised she didn’t find an actual intact Cheeto as well, because those guys are wily & tend to slip into cracks they have no business slipping into.)
We moms tend to get excited over things that others may regard as silly or inconsequential. Take towels, for example. What mom doesn’t get excited about the prospect of thick, fluffy new towels??
(One day, I just want to be rich enough to not have to cut the strings of loose thread off of our “good” towels.)
Meghan’s consolation after a long, arduous day of e-learning errors was a long, hot shower & a her favorite new towel:
Y’all shop Costco? Ever stumble across their amazing 8 foot long bath sheets? They’re HUGE…and soft AF…and wash up like a dream.
Sounds like heaven.
But the Costco towels have their drawbacks, apparently, for those with smaller frames like Meghan:
Let me go ahead and tell you why they’re not for me though…
Sh*t. Is. HEAVY.
You guys know what happens to a super huge a** heavy towel draped over the body of someone that could pretty much represent the Lollipop Guild?
And while that might be inconvenient and/or annoying under normal circumstances, towel slippage becomes CRITICAL to Meghan’s online “Oof!”.
Meghan’s undoing involved her post-shower decision.
It’s one that many of us also make after showering. Instead of immediately drying off & getting dressed, she paused to sit & do absolutely nothing, with her heavy Costco towel now at half-mast around her waist.
Instead of hustling to the next responsibility, Meghan sat, still gazed out the window at her younger daughters doing their “gym” class on the backyard trampoline:
which was basically just them REPEATEDLY performing a savage, classy, boujie, ratchet…Sassy, moody, nasty TikTok on the trampoline.
(Ah, TikTok. While I previously judged my kids for being obsessed with the app, I admit that my personal nightly quarantine routine is laughing uproariously to endless TikTok videos & messaging them to my teens at all hours.)
It’s at this juncture that a school video conference morphs into an unexpected virtual peep show, and Meghan reveals far more than her exasperation with online learning.
One of her children -who shall remain nameless- abruptly violates the sanctuary that Meghan has created. She enters the room holding her phone.
It’s a smartphone, with a camera.
And the child proceeds to:
Comes AT me…with her phone…her PHONE…facing ME.
Phone facing ME
“How do I end this?”
End WHAT? Dear god in heaven, what is happening on this phone that now has its camera facing Meghan’s boobage???
The MFing LIVE GOOGLE HANGOUT with her ENTIRE classroom!!!
No. NO. Just NOPE. I’m not sure how one begins to process the reality of accidentally flashing a classroom of young students.
Oh, and the teacher too, of course. The realization quickly sinks in that she has also exposed her boobs to Mrs. … well, now:
But the show only gets BETTER, folks. Or worse, actually.
In her panicked scramble, Meghan’s brain begins to misfire. She quickly stands up without thinking, to try and flip her daughter’s phone angle toward the ceiling.
And in doing so, she gives the class a vivid view of her vajayjay. Or, as she puts it:
I stand up…to flip her phone to the ceiling…and casually then don my late 70’s Coronabush™
So let this Costco-towel cautionary tale be a lesson to you, my fellow parents.
Online learning is happening everywhere in our homes these days, & we need to take extra precaution that those prying (online) eyes are catching sights that could make wee tots wail in fear, and poor underpaid educators want to bleach their eyeballs.
But props to Meghan Maza Oeser for sharing her hilarious gaffe, because #PoorJennifer can finally rest knowing that her work conference video toilet fail is finally being eclipsed by #Coronabush.