Remember what slow, mellow, pre-kid weekend mornings were like? Yeah… me neither. There’s no such thing as “sleeping in” when it comes to kids. Ever.
And when you throw the lunacy that is Daylight Saving Time into the mix, the weekend can be even more challenging. I woke up to two kids arguing about who stole whose Halloween candy, & one kid crying because our gerbil, who died four months ago, is still dead.
No, Lionel Richie, Sunday mornings are NOT easy.
But my morning was a picnic compared to this mom’s start; her hopes of relaxing for a few minutes were quickly dashed as the crazy train barreled out of the station at full speed today… on fire.
No, seriously: FIRE.
Mom blogger Mary Katherine Backstrom’s hilarious post describes how her morning began at 5am with a mischievous, pizza-eating dog, crying children and a pizza box up in flames.
Most kids seem to have an internal alarm clock that operates independently of Daylight Saving Time. Despite the fact that we “gained” an hour last night, kids tend to wake up whenever they normally do, which really means that parents gain, well, nothing.
But Mary Katherine Backstrom was stoked, because her kids decided to being their day with a little TV-watching, which could result in a few precious mom minutes of hot coffee and quiet.
(Emphasis on the “could” have- it didn’t.)
She heard the sound of her children letting the family dog into the house. And that sound was followed by the sound of the dog running in circles.
And as an parent knows, kid silence is usually suspicious. And for the Backstrom family dog, running circles in the hallway can only mean one thing:
If toddler silence is a dangerous sound, this is the doggy equivalent.
It’s like “OOOOH I DID A THING I BETTER RUN IN CIRCLES SO NOBODY NOTICES!”
Turns out the dog snagged a slice of leftover pizza from the box left on top of the stove from last night’s dinner.
But… it also turns out that in her efforts to jump up & snatch a leftover Meat Lovers slice, the dog somehow:
turned the stove top on HIGH right beneath the cardboard box.
Not that MK knew that yet, because she was busy dragging the dog back outside. Thanks, kids.
Like kids, pets have a way of making messes at some of the least convenient times… for example, at 5:30 on a Sunday morning.
So MK headed back into her kitchen to do some light damage control:
What I expected was a box of pizza on the floor.
If only it was just a box of pizza on the floor…
What I found was foot tall flames and a stove top on high.
FIRE, people. The pizza box was ON FIRE.
So MK grabbed the corner of the box that wasn’t already in flames, trying to toss it into the kitchen sink. And she discreetly tried calling for her husband, Ian, who:
thought I stepped on something and was bleeding so he slowly got out of bed.
I mean, why rush, right, Ian? After all, where’s the fire?
(In your KITCHEN, Ian. Gets to stepping, man!)
At this point, the flames are too high to turn the sink water on to, and this is the magic moment when the kids make their appearance.
Sure, the kids were blissfully unaware that the dog was chomping crusts but THIS- this they manage to walk in on…
So of course the kids come running in right then, and what do you know,-
it was fire safety week at Holland’s preschool so she starts yelling “FIRE! FIRE! WHATS OUR ESCAPE PLAN?”
Imagine the scene: MK’s trying to think quickly on her feet- the same feet that Ian has assumed she’s cut & is taking his own sweet time to investigate- as the pizza box flames are surging, and the children are wailing in panic.
But MK bravely fought the pizza box inferno and saved both her family and her house with a parent’s most common possession: a cup of coffee.
I threw a full coffee mug on top of the box of pizza, thank God I never got to drink it yesterday.
Thank those cold cups of coffee you’ve left lying around your house, parents, because one day one of those lukewarm, never-sipped cups could save your life.
The coffee thankfully doused the flames enough for MK to turn the water on, which snuffed out the fire.
And who appears on the scene right at this moment?
IAN. Ian saunters into the kitchen sleepily asking, “Hey, what’s happening?”… at the very moment that:
At that exact moment the alarms went off and our children started screaming and crying.
Thanks for nothing, Ian!
So before 6am on a Sunday morning, the entire household was in a state of heart-pounding panic (except Ian, bless his heart), the house smelled like a campfire, the dog was sitting outside wondering why everyone was screaming about one measly slice of pizza, and:
I am googling how high I can increase my anxiety med dose without having heart palpitations.
So for all of you weary, sleep-deprived parents that are bemoaning the fact that you aren’t really reaping the benefits of the “extra” hour that Daylight Saving Time gives us, look at it this way:
It could be worse, right? Today could have been a flaming dumpster fire of a day. Or flaming pizza-box fire of one, anyway…
This morning my kids got out of bed and went to watch a little tv so I could rest. I was so happy. A little nervous,…