We all know how crazy the real estate market is right now. The pandemic lockdowns left many people spending far too much time with their families crammed into living spaces that are way too small.
If that sounds familiar, you might be feeling a little desperate for some extra square footage.
But just how desperate are you?
Because if you’re truly determined to move, well, I have just the property for you!
While the teeny-tiny shack down the street from you is currently selling for 50 grand over asking price, this single family home with more than 3,500 square feet is a steal at only $592,500!
There’s just one problem…
Well, actually, there’s a lot of problems all leading up to one big, overarching problem:
This listing is a little slice of hell.
No, I’m not exaggerating. Those are the exact words the listing agent, Mimi Foster, used to describe this Colorado Springs property. The Redfin listing reads,
“If you dream of owning your own little slice of hell and turning it into a piece of heaven, then look no further! This house is not for the faint of heart but for that special person who can see through the rough diamond to the polished gem inside.”
And Ms. Foster was kind enough to give us a video tour (thankyouthankyouthankyou!)
Ms. Foster starts the video walk-through by panning the camera around the front yard. At that point, you’re probably thinking,
“Old doors, broken planters, and Random debris? That’s nothing! My kids can make a mess like this before breakfast! We’d be able to fix up a little redneck special like this in no time.”
But oh no no no… girlfriend is just getting started with this little house of horrors!
As she kindly warns, you’ll need your face mask upon entry – and that has absolutely nothing to do with COVID. It’s for the smell.
Once again, seasoned parents may think dismissively,
“Smell-Schmell! I’ve cleaned up milk vomit from a car seat in the dead summer heat. I’ve dealt with more of my kids’ Code Brown EMERGENCIES than I can count. Step aside, lady!”
Well… your extensive experience cleaning up feces is going to serve you well with this prime piece of real estate.
As Ms. Foster enters, it becomes apparent that the former tenant (who was evicted, but apparently let back in at one point by the former property manager, unattended) had actually left quite a bit of her crap behind.
I mean literal, actual crap.
And if there were any doubt about that, the tenant left many notes all over the property, in black spray paint, explaining as much. One poetic message scrawled on the carpet near the entrance:
“Do you like the shit on the carpet?”
Hmmm… no, not really! Thanks for asking…?
The entire place was plastered in spray-painted obscenities and covered in excrement and random piles of trash.
Even Ms. Foster, who’s undoubtedly experienced some bad real scenes in her time as both an agent and landlord, said she’d never encountered anything like it.
(Well, after seeing this video, I would certainly hope not…)
Clearly the property manager who allowed this actual shit show to happen has some serious explaining to do. And I do feel bad for the owner and agent stuck dealing with all this.
Buuuuuuuut I’m also really grateful to Ms. Foster for her YouTube efforts. The opportunity to stare in horror from the relatively unscented safety of my own home was just what I needed today.
And seriously, if you’re interested in this…fixer-upper (understatement of the century right there!)?
Well, you’d better act fast!
In this insane market, even a self-described hellhole moves quickly.
In just the two days after posting this listing, Ms. Foster has received 16 offers.
I CAN’T WAIT to see the specials HGTV comes up with for this one!