This Viral Video, “What To Do With Your Children’s Baby Teeth” is Basically a 3 Minute Horror Show

Ever wonder what to do with all those baby teeth your kids keep losing? Well, wonder no more! Thanks to the internet you now have the solution you never even knew you needed.

Sure, you COULD throw them out like a normal person. Or you could keep them (and by them I really only mean one) in a little keepsake box like a semi-normal person. But why? When you could create a treasured memento that will survive long after you are dead? 

The Anna Show has released a video tutorial on their Facebook page, entitled “Here’s What To Do With Your Children’s Baby Teeth,” and it is 3 minutes and 37 seconds of pure horror (or genius) depending on which end of the psycho-meter you happen to be on.

The video opens with the camera zooming in on several teeth spread out on a baking pan.

Anna starts by slicing a lemon in half and liberally squeezing the juice over the teeth, telling Igor her assistant:

You’re gonna soak them with lemon juice and here’s why you want to. First, it will disinfect. It’s a natural disinfectant, lemon juice, right, and also it’s gonna clear away and strip away all that old enamel and leave just a nice bright white underneath.

Which according to one commenter, who just so happens to be a registered dental hygienist, is WRONG. “Lemon is acidic and will strip away the white outer tooth enamel layer leaving the yellow middle layer (called dentin) exposed.” Details, my friends.

Anna then pops on a pair of black gloves, grabs a toothbrush, and begins scrubbing the dirtier teeth, reminding people that you have to “do that with human teeth because they end up kind of aging poorly.”

After patting the teeth dry and spraying the pan with Pam cooking spray to prevent sticking, she covers it with tinfoil, ensuring that she pops a few holes in it to prevent the teeth from “burning.”

Five to ten minutes in the oven at 400 degrees is all it takes to have those teeth looking shiny and bright and smelling delicious.

Or not.

They’re gonna be so nice. It’s in the odor right? It’s an interesting smell right? Burning, burning, burning bones. 

I mean, talk about a ringing endorsement. Who DOESN’T want to cook up a pan full of teeth right now, amirite?

But this isn’t the end, oh no, we’re just warming up. This was all merely PREP for the main attraction. Because those little chompers are going to become your most treasured Mother’s Day gift, evvvvvv-eeeer. 

Anna proceeds to hot-glue the teeth onto a piece of fabric attached to a gold chain for a one of a kind pearl-y whites necklace. For what mother doesn’t want a constant reminder of her child’s smile around her neck, I ask you? Oh, I don’t know. A sane one?

Or, in other words, whose mother would want this? Norman Bates mother, that’s who.

Just in case you are contemplating creating your own masterpiece of masticators, and are currently short a tooth or two, fear not. You can always source teeth, apparently.

Anna says:

If you can, get a hold of your friends’ children’s teeth…It is not illegal to buy and sell human teeth.

Great idea. Nothing screams serial killer like, “Hey Becky, do you have any of little Sue’s teeth I can have?”

Or better yet, get your kids involved. 

“Remember kids, tell all your friends mommy needs their teeth!” 

Because that’s not creepy AF and won’t cause them years and years of therapy.

The video has gone viral and garnered 8.5K likes, 29K shares, and over 21K comments in just a couple of days. 

And apparently, based on some of the comments, this actually may not be as crazy as it sounds (it’s totally crazy.)

It would seem that there are A LOT of people hoarding their babies’ teeth out there. Which I find somewhat disturbing. Although, admittedly, making a necklace out of them may be going a bit far. YOU THINK?!

Just make sure you’re not cleaning them with lemon juice. I think we’ve all learned our lesson on that one.

While a human chain of teeth around your neck may not be the best use of your babies’ biters, you could consider this option proposed by one commenter. She suggests using them to create a denture mold to regift your child later on in life.

It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Or, here’s a crazy thought, you could always just throw them away. 

Thankfully, I am not the only one who thinks this is the stuff that horror movies are made from. This guy does too:

Look, if you want to go ahead and make a necklace out of your kids and the neighbor’s kids teeth, by all means, go for it. You do you boo! 

But as for me? I’ll be over here, wearing my homemade macaroni necklace instead.