If you are reading this then you are probably at your wits end, trying to find someone who feels the same way you do.
You have probably spent the day picking up toys, and cleaning… always cleaning. Trying to be the referee to the siblings fighting over something. Constantly getting snacks. Trying to find your peace. Maybe the kids are finally in their beds and you just got out of the shower too tired to even get your Pajamas on, so you sit here reading.
Trying to find some sort of connection with an adult to have a conversation with that isn’t about mine craft or YouTube, or that isn’t constantly asking you the same question 342 times in a row.
Maybe, like me you are trying to get rid of that lonely feeling.
I can tell you, you are not alone. I am here and I get it.
I know that being a stay at home mom is so hard and so lonely. Yes, you share every moment with your little blessings, every room you go in, there they are. Every meal you are eating, there they are.
I have been finding myself sitting out on the front deck, hoping someone would wave so that I can have a conversation with an adult.
I know you are so physically and emotionally tired, that you lose track of what day it is.
I know how hard it is to hear “You are so lucky you get to stay home, it is such an easy job” but of course this doesn’t help whatsoever because now here you are feeling guilty that you don’t feel so lucky and blessed to be home.
I know it’s hard to hear “You should get a job then” Childcare is so expensive. As a mom of 4, it isn’t in the cards right now for us to be putting 4 kids in child care while I start from the bottom, getting minimum wage when it will just go towards daycare anyways.
I know you feel you will never be able to eat your meal warm because you are helping everyone else make sure they get theirs and it’s perfect. I know how it feels to never have a warm coffee and forget it in the microwave.
I know that when the kids finally get in their beds that it’s not your “me time” it’s time for you to finish the laundry and the dishes and make sure the next day appointments are set or honestly you just want to plop into bed.
I just want you to know that you are strong, you are not alone.
It is okay to not love being home all the time. It is okay to long for those moments where you can have a conversation with adults, I know you love your little mini you’s so much.
I promise you it is okay to let the laundry sit, it is okay to be jealous of those who get to get out of the house. It is okay to let the dishes soak. It is okay to long for the person you once were before kids.
I wouldn’t change having my kids, but sometimes I wish people would see me as who I am other than being their mom.
At this point I am not even sure I can hold down a conversation about anything else other than what my kids did that day.
I find myself being extremely jealous of my husband going to work because he gets to step out of these walls that I feel are caving in on me.
I know that you are not physically alone, and that you haven’t been able to have a bathroom break alone in what feels like forever, but you can still feel alone even with having a conversation with a little person while you go pee.
I know, I do.
I do my best to try and talk to my friends through text message or phone calls but it just isn’t the same.
When the minute you get on the phone all of a sudden everyone needs you for something and here you are waving your finger to them “One minute” only for them to get even louder to make sure you are listening to them and only them.
I will continue doing what I have been doing, being a stay at home mom because they need me. I am their everything.
One day, I will miss this. The constant diaper changes, the constant screaming and yelling. The house will be silent and I will long for the noise. I will look back at the times of loneliness and then look at my kids and think this was all so worth it.