When it comes to family recipes, sharing is not always caring, apparently. Most of us are used to recipes being public access- if you need dinner inspiration, you hop onto Food.com or the like & find recipes freely offered by others.
But some people can be funny about sharing recipes, and by “funny”, I mean “will cut a bitch” if someone dares to adopt a family recipe as their own.
I’ve seen this in action- just ask my own mother about the infamous Memorial Day Chili Dip Incident of 2013, when an aunt of mine had the audacity to make my mom’s signature chili dip & *gasp!* serve it with the wrong chips (Actually, don’t ask. It won’t end well).
Two women took to Facebook with their vicious broccoli casserole brawl, and their feud was not only very public, but very, very funny.
So it all started when Helen Hywater of Akron, OH decided that 8 years of tolerating Caroline’s recipe thievery was long enough, dammit. Helen deliberately changed her Facebook profile caption to:
Dont Steal Recipes… Looking For RODNEY ALLEN JONES FATHER TO MY CHILDREN
Clearly Helen is a two-birds, one-stone sort of girl: not only is she issuing a PSA about the dangers of recipe stealing, but if the public also happens to see Rodney, let Helen know, k?
But the vague profile warning obviously wasn’t enough to deter casserole-stealing Caroline apparently, so Helen had to take things to the next level, and fired off a public post:
Yeah, Caroline. It’s bad enough you stole the treasured broccoli casserole recipe, but don’t you dare to talk smack about Helen with those thin lying lips of yours!
The bait is taken; at this point, the public needs to know what went down:
It’s official: Caroline not only stole Helen’s broccoli casserole recipe 8 years ago, but has been fronting that it’s her OWN original recipe.
Come hell or HYWATER, Helen’s not letting Caroline get away with such blasphemy!
But Caroline’s got peeps, too, and they won’t stand for her good name to be sullied in such a disgraceful manner:
Have no fears, Casserole Caroline; Doris has got your back. She knows that:
SHE A CHRIESTN LADY
In your FACE, Helen!
Caroline couldn’t have stolen the recipe, because according to her loyal pal Doris, she’s a… well, it looks like a… Christian lady, maybe?
Or maybe not so much, because Chriestn or no, Helen thinks Caroline is just:
A rotten recipe stealin Bitch , Doris.
(Well, thems is some fightin’ words, Helen!)
Doris is NOT having it, either. It’s not possible that Caroline stole anything; after all:
I CAN’T BELIVE THAT SHE SING IN CHOIR WITH ME
Caroline may have the voice of an angel, but her recipe-swiping ways are clearly from the devil- in Helen’s opinion, anyway.
At this point, the infamous casserole-copping Caroline pops into the Facebook fray, & the gloves come off as these two battle out the Great Broccoli Casserole Brawl of 2020.
Oh, Helen, you had us at “LIZARD BITCH”. But it only got better, as these two traded insults like two choir ladies swapping recipes at a church picnic (granted, a bad example, since a recipe is what started this less-than-civil war.
Caroline takes the “lizard bitch” affront in stride, telling Helen that she’ll pray for her:
You dumpster fire of a woman.
Lord have mercy!
Helen’s retort, however, would make the saints blush:
ok inbred bible thumping bitch. Go cry about that man don’t. want you some more.
Well… that escalated quickly, didn’t it? Are we still talking about broccoli casserole? Because no side dish is worth this verbal bloodshed, ladies!
But Caroline knows JUST how to get Helen’s goat (which would serve as a great main course with a side of broccoli casserole, by the way).
you don’t even know my husband. I know where your kids dad is by the way.
*cue mic drop*
RODNEY. She went there. Caroline went there.
And Caroline continues to go there, as the brawl devolves from broccoli casserole-ownership to something straight off the Jerry Springer Show.
My eyes! My eyes!
But apparently, there ARE still more words, because these two aren’t done yet. The claws are out, & both are out for blood:
Well, well, well. It looks like Caroline the choir lady is singing a different tune, and it goes a little something like:
Ill kick the crack rocks straight out your little half breed babies mouth.
They’ve hurled every insult possible: men, sex lives, appearance, kids, and even grandkids. Someone needed to put a stop to this- enter Johnny Jangles and his (mangled) plea for reason:
Hold up- Caroline admits that she will steal Helen’s recipes and put them in her… oh. OHHH.
In the words of the great Johnny Jangles, that’s, well, TERRIBULL.
Helen’s got her own backup, too; her pal Marla fires back at Caroline-the-cunt-caller:
There you go, Marla: you mess with the bull, you get the horns. Amen.
It’s still unclear if the broccoli casserole recipe WAS indeed stolen, but at this point, that’s the least of their problems. And while Helen stays on the lookout for Rodney -sorry, RODNEY ALLEN JONES- Caroline does not give a shit, HELEN.
No one better have beef with Caroline, because she comes ready to PLAY. But her broccoli casserole recipe is out of this world- just ask Helen.
??Looks like that b**** Carole Baskins has some competition! This is the kind of drama I live for ? nothing makes me happier than two older women fighting over a recipe.