My fourteen-year-old daughter broke up with her first boyfriend recently. She took the break up hard, considering they had dated on Snapchat for only a week and never saw each other in real life.
They were both in virtual school after all.
I relied on some old standards to help her get over her heartache.
Yup, we binged on ice cream and watched classic 80s teen movies, including Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Can’t Buy Me Love. These iconic flicks prompted us to discuss whether Ferris or Ronald Miller would be better boyfriends than her last beau. The answer was a resounding yes!
But it got me thinking.
While there are tons of characters from 80s movies that this midlife mama feels would make an acceptable suitor for my teen, there are plenty that I would NOT want showing up on my doorstep.
If you used Aqua Net to hold your feathered bangs in place or donned stirrup pants like I did, then see if you agree with these.
Here are 10 legendary characters from 80s movies I would not want my teenage daughter to date.
Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High
I can only imagine my face if my daughter started saying “Gnarly!” or “Tasty waves!” like her new wasted beau. So not tubular.
Scott from Teen Wolf
First, there’s the fur. I think I’d be vacuuming for hours after he visited my house to date my daughter. Second, there’s the howling.
Prince from Purple Rain
Too much emotional baggage. Not to mention too many high heels and ruffled shirts.
Joel from Risky Business
Like I’d want my daughter to date a boy who goes wild when he’s left home alone, crashes his parents’ car, and entertains a hooker? In the words of Nancy Reagan, “Just say no.”
Steff from Pretty In Pink
He may dress to impress, but Steff’s pretentious, condescending attitude is a total turn off. Plus, he flicks his cigarette butts everywhere.
David from The Lost Boys
A boy that is most active at night? No, thank you. There’s the whole vampire-that-sucks-blood thing, too.
Ponyboy, Soda Pop, and the rest of the boys from The Outsiders
Even though the Outsiders are cute, their hair is loaded with So. Much. Grease. Every time they sat down on my couch I’d be worried about them staining the upholstery.
Pee Wee Herman, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
After five minutes I think we’d all have enough of that voice, that laugh, and those platform shoes.
Booger from Revenge of the Nerds
Well…there’s his name as well as how he got his name. Yikes!
Johnny from The Karate Kid
While Johnny Lawrence has redeemed himself decades later in the Cobra Kai series, he did sweep the leg when he was a teen, among other obnoxious bullying behaviors.
So here’s hoping my daughter’s next boyfriend is more like Ferris Bueller or Ronald Miller than any of the 80s characters listed above.
And if she wants to discuss the iconic characters or social media influencers of Gen Z that would make an ideal boyfriend? Well, I’ll need to take a break from my beloved 80s movies and open up Tik Tok to come up to speed.
On second thought, let me queue up Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Can’t Buy Me Love again.
Like, totally.