$740 Nordstrom “Serial Killer” Dress is Hilariously Awful, But the Reviews Are To Die For


The holiday season is officially here, & with social distancing still in effect, many seasonal shindigs have been cancelled.


But that’s no reason to ditch the fancy threads, however. Fashion is an ever-evolving world, & it’s apparently evolved to suit our current corona climate. You can still find the perfect holiday outfit, combining style and… sanitizing, apparently?

Nordstrom is selling a corona-chic dress option, & the “five star” snarky reviews from amused would-be customers are comedic gold.

The gown is featured on Nordstrom’s website & the focus is on the red shrug, which is listed as “Meryll Rogge Gloved Silk Double Satin Bolero” (Meryl, I’m not sure I’d want my name on this one if I were you, just saying.)

The item’s description is as follows:

Saturated in a head-turning red hue, this double-satin bolero fitted with lambskin-leather gloves evokes the golden era of Hollywood.

It’s not just satin, people, but DOUBLE-satin. There’s no such thing as too much satin, am I right?

But the satin isn’t the focus here, folks. In fact, the gown takes a backseat to the blood-red LAMBSKIN LEATHER GLOVES on sale here, because it’s 2020 and nothing makes sense anymore.

Photo Credit: Nordstrom.com

While the description claims that the gloves “evoke the golden era of Hollywood”, these gloves are less “Hollywood” and more “I just butchered a lamb… stylishly.”

I’d like to tell you that the side angle makes it better, but we both know that’s not possible:

Photo Credit: Nordstrom.com

Maybe the best view is from the back, as this dress & gloves retreat back into the messy haze of the weird dumpster-fire that is 2020:

Photo Credit: Nordstrom.com

Yeah… no. Just no.

As if this ensemble itself isn’t enough of an eyesore, the hefty price tag of $740 is pretty painful, too.

But for those that are pondering the purchase of Nordstrom’s giant-gloved bolero for any upcoming holiday soirees, the reviewers have thoughts. Lots of hilarious thoughts.

Although many of the reviews were glowing, it’s always important to check out the negative reviews as well; you have to know what you’re in for with this purchase, right?

Good point, Katie! Although the red lambskin gloves are PERFECT for bloody serial slaughtering, we all know that silk won’t hold up well in a bloodbath.

You had us at “FAUCI & Gabbana”…!!!

Our thoughts exactly, missnewjersey. Well, not exactly -you really expressed our inner reaction so.much.better than we ever could.

Dammit, Nordstrom- can’t an exotic animal dentist find a dress that’s pretty AND practical??

Many customers, however, awarded this pandemic party gown with a top five-star rating, including a gushing description of their (snarky) satisfaction:

The annual fall soiree is a BIG frigging deal, and what’s a girl to do when her highland cow is birthing a babe as just in time for fall’s most fashionable function??

The pandemic has put a lot of pressure on our healthcare workers, so they really deserve the best. Thanks, Nordstrom, for finally selling a versatile dress- this gives a whole new meaning to “gowning up”!

“Pandemic Prom”: listen up, Class of 2021, ’cause Alpha Barbie just found your senior prom theme (and your dress)!

“One safety word completely sums it up: PERFECTION!” Boundup, one (safety) word completely sums up this review: HILARIOUS.

Exactly- want to look hot? Like, nuclear hot?? Or like nuclear core technician HOT?? Nordstrom’s, people. They’ll hook you up.

While we may never know why Nordstrom chose to sell this monstrosity of a get-up, one thing’s for sure: their customer base has a collectively fantastic sense of humor.

Though the bolero price might be an astounding $740, the reviews are truly PRICELESS!



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