One of the best parts about the holiday season is the FOOD. While we may not be able to celebrate with the raucous Christmas parties (reindeer boob sweaters for the win!) we usually have due to the pandemic, we can still celebrate with copious amounts of food & drink.
And speaking of food, cookies are a key symbol of the holiday season.
We bake them homemade. We gift them. We eat way, way too many of them. Cookies are the unsung heroes of the dessert world- they’re basic, tasty, & predictable.
Well, most of the time, anyway.
Sometimes a cookie breaks the mold & manages to shock & awe people. In this case, it’s similar to when people find what they believe to be Jesus’ silhouette on a slice of burned toast… only in this case it’s less, “It’s God!” and more, “Ohmigod… is that a- ??”
Target has released a package of Santa-themed holiday cookies that has people buzzing- not on a sugar high, but from the design of one cookie that resembles male genitalia. Maybe.
The cookies are known as “Santa Dipped Chocolate Sandwich Cookies” and are sold at Target in packs of three cookies for 3.99.
And while anything dipped in chocolate sounds pretty darn good, the third cookie in the trio might just make you second-guess what you’re putting in your mouth this holiday season.
The first cookie in the Santa trio is Jolly St.Nick’s face. The second is his big round belly, and the third cookie is his big… oh, wait. Wow. WOW… is that a..? Oh, this is awkward.
BOOTS, you dirty birds. The image on this cookie is meant to depict Santa’s boots.
Remember the Internet optical illusions of yesteryear like “the dress”- is it gold and white, or blue and black? Is that sneaker pink and white, or is it grey and teal?
Well, here’s 2020’s optical illusion treat: is it a pair of chocolate brown Santa boots, or a giant squirting schlong?
It appears that it’s not just Santa’s sleigh bells that are ringing, but his balls, too. Santa Claus is cuming to town, folks, & he’s cuming from -and with, apparently- his massive North Pole.
(At least to some people, anyway.)
While the cookie’s design was apparently intended to be a pair of boots, it’s resemblance to a large peen has put this product on the naughty list by many baffled Target shoppers.
And the “kicker” about this boot cookie (pun intended)? It was made in the “Wondershop”, as the sticker on the package proudly proclaims.
(And if that isn’t the most cliched way for a dude -yes, even Santa- to refer to his package, then I don’t know what is.)
Target claims that the cookie was meant to represent Santa’s boots, and that resemblance to any other image was not intended. In their statement to The New York Post, a company representative states:
The design is intended to represent Santa’s boots. We appreciate the feedback and will take it into consideration moving forward.
While there are rumors on social media that disgruntled moms are planning to boycott the cookies in protest against their “phallic” design, at the time of this writing, Target claims that is currently no major backlash against it:
We have not received any feedback directly on this item.
But they certainly have on social media, thanks to Twitter. When images of the cookies were shared online, people shared their reaction to the Santa’s balls- BOOTS. We mean BOOTS. Of course.
Guys, my wife found these cookies at @Target. I totally get what the top two cookies are, but can’t quite make out the bottom cookie… pic.twitter.com/GkeZVHItIq
— Chef Tom (@TheRealChefTom) December 2, 2020
You know, Tom. Oh, you know.
Whatever it is, it may want to see a doctor and disclose to the other cookies it has recently encountered.
— Sarah Anne ???? (@kittenbritches) December 9, 2020
Who knows where this chocolate cock-ie has been dipped. Just saying.
— Ben Winslow (@BenWinslow) December 2, 2020
My response exactly. Spitting is always an appropriate reaction, no?
Either way it has to do with the size of Santa’s feet…
— Ryan Bruckman (@RyanBruckman) December 3, 2020
Well played, Ryan. Well played.
While some people steadfastly maintain that the image on the cookie is a pair of boots, and only boots:
People are so stupid! Everyone knows they are Santa’s boots. Dirty minded people ?????
— kgr (@KGisselle) December 9, 2020
Others say, not.so.much.
— Kevin Edward Proulx (@kevineproulx) December 9, 2020
Regardless of what your opinion may be on the “boots or boner?” cookie debate, one thing’s for sure: it’s probably best not to send these cookies into school for your kid’s holiday class party.
(No parent needs that phone call home.)
And if you’re appalled by these allegedly phallic cookies, rest easy that most Target stores no longer have them in stock.
Not because they were pulled from the shelves, mind you, but because they are SOLD OUT in many Target locations.
Yup, countless holiday parties across the country will be featuring these tasty Santa’s (naughty) bits, and the jury’s still out on if this cookie is actually naughty or nice.