In the world where the answer is at your fingertips and everyone has an opinion of you it’s hard to figure out who you are sometimes. It’s even harder to find that inner voice that reminds you that you are strong, funny, and worthy with the outside noise of jealousy and disgust is always looming.
We are a very keeping up with the Jones’ generation.
When planning out my life I had that mentality. I wanted my life to be better than I ever could have imagined and I have a very specific very vain list of how I was going to make it so.
From marrying a 6’5 athlete who loved his mother to wanting to live in a neighborhood in the swankiest area of where we live I had very low, materialistic expectations of how I wanted to live my life. Those were my ideas of success.
Then I dated 6’5 losers, the area I had dreamed of living in turns out is nothing but holier than thou hypocrite judgers that would make life miserable.
Even if we could afford to live in that area I’d hard pass that fast. The life I have I have isn’t what I pictured I wanted but it’s everything I wanted. I’ve fought hard for the simple life that in my earlier years wouldn’t have wanted.
I married the quiet guy who makes me laugh on the daily, supports any crazy idea I may have, and loves me and our kids fiercely.
We live in a tiny ranch house. We’ve looked to upgrade in big ways but at the end of the day our tiny ranch house is perfect for us.
We live in a literal village that’s mostly families who have the content dream. One thing I’ve learned over the years that’s blatantly obvious is it’s not the things that matters but the people and how the area you live in makes you feel.
Where we live it’s less keeping up with Jone’s and more keeping up with our kids and their needs and dreams.
It’s less well we have to get Cam here and Roy there and filling lives with activities and more taking it easy and figuring it out what your kids like and focusing on that. I love the simple life we’ve built.
It’s challenging because of the Autism side of it or the threeager we currently have. But it’s a crazy fun balance that I wouldn’t change.
I hope that my younger self is proud of the way our life took a turn.
I hope that she knows the events that happened brought her to this life. It’s not a life she would have ever pictured but it’s a good one. So marry the nerdy guy (or girl). The one that lets you unapologetically yourself. That seems to have his life together way more than you.
Who shows up at midnight to your darkest moment.
The one who sleeps on the couch with you when you’re too sick to get to bed. Find the person that makes you laugh that post kids you wet your pants a little.
The one who speaks threenager and is the best hostage negotiator. The life that you imagined doesn’t have to be the life you have. The life I have is a million times better than what I ever dreamed.
I’m grateful that I said yes to the short quiet guy who loves his mama but loves the family he’s made more.
We have everything we need.
We work hard together as a team which is what I needed. There are days we don’t like each other. But we still show up. I think that’s the secret. You show up on your worst day so your partner can be their best.
It feels like we are always making death decisions. There is usually a question if our yes’s and our no’s are the right decision. We believe in Murphy’s law a lot. We cry until we laugh. Laugh until we cry. It can be the dumbest thing that we’re laughing about.
If you’re single. I hope you find that person.
It’s not about the materialistic things. It’s about the person who shows up for you when the world turns their back on you.
They are the ones who lay on the floor with you when you aren’t sure how you’re going to take your next breath. He (or her) love you and your kids fiercely. They’ll admit when things are hard or when they’re struggling.
He or she supports you in your dreams and goals no matter how crazy they may sound.
I hope you marry the guy (or girl) that makes you feel all the things. That allows you to be unapologetically you. Jeremy is that for me. I didn’t believe in the soulmates and love at first site.
I believed you truly could make it work with anyone if you put the effort in. Then one random Tuesday a quiet sweet guy walked into a coffee shop and my heart was like well he’s different in a way that I need in my life and here we are almost 8 years later.
I’m blessed beyond measure because a guy with his life together took a chance on me the biggest hot mess. I’ll forever be grateful.
This post originally appeared on the author’s Facebook page