Yes, it’s winter, but it’s never too soon to start looking forward to summer’s warmth & sunshine, am I right? It’s hard to even fathom worrying about bathing suits as we carbo-load our way through holiday crunch-time, but the fashion pages are already featuring next summer’s swimwear.
And if you’re stressing about finding the perfect swimsuit to wear next year, know that you’re not alone. This is not exclusively a female problem, girls.
Guys are weary of the limited choices in traditional bathing trunks & want exciting options for Summer 2021.
(Said no guy ever, probably.)
A pair of inventors have created a new line of men’s swimwear known as the “brokini”, which is -yep, you guessed it!- a bikini for men.
This unique line of swimwear was created by Toronto pair Chad Sasko and Taylor Field, who are marketing the series of one-shouldered bathing suits specifically designed for men.
Prepare your eyes, people, for the bathing suit that is guaranteed to make waves this summer (more like a tsunami of “Seriously, guys??”. A wipe-out of “WTF?!”. A riptide of “…Really, guys? REALLY???”).
(Yep. I’m pretty sure I’d have the same reaction, girlfriend.)
Their tagline for the unusual fashion choice:
A revolution of schmedium proportions.
A fashion revolution? Maybe. But I’m pretty sure no one wants to see these… proportions in such enhanced detail, schmedium or otherwise.
The novel bathing suits are meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but are legit items available for purchase on the duo’s website, logically entitled: Brokinis.
Their description of their swimsuit series says it all:
A bikini for bros. Show off your package in style. Disappoint parents.
Missions accomplished, gentlemen. This swimsuit will definitely “show off” your package, and it’s sure to disappoint parents. Thought fellow beach-goers will surely find it fascinating.
There are only a few styles currently for sale, although if this concept takes off -and good Lord, how we hope it doesn’t- then they’ll likely add more options to their catalog.
At present, the Fineapple Brokini features a whimsically cheerful pineapple design, & is currently on sale for $41.99.
Another popular style is the Bromingo Brokini, which sports- you guessed it!- flamingos.
If your man isn’t into patterns, there’s a simple black brokini that’s known as the “Blackout”:
I wish I could say that they weirdest thing about this pic is the whole “standing on a motorcycle while sporting a Batman mask”, but alas, the BROKINI.
But props to them on their amusing depiction of the Blackout brokini on their Instagram page, creating a hilariously tribute to Princess Leia’s famous gold bikini scene:
I know, I know. Is it amusing? Appalling? It’s both… and it’s awesome.
For the outdoorsman, there’s the camouflage GI Bro Brokini…
(Yes, I’d be trying to blend into my surroundings unseen too if I were posing spread-eagled like this out in nature… just saying.)
But their piece de resistance is the very height of the insanity that is 2020, and that’s the Leopard King Brokini, the picture of which bears an amusingly similar visual to this year’s bizarre quarantine obsession: Tiger King.
Not even that bitch Carole Baskin could resist this hunk of man meat, amirite?
And yes, folks- this style is also $41.99 thanks to Brokini’s holiday sale, so snatch up your luscious leopard suit while you can!
The Brokini is certainly eye-catching, and that’s precisely the goal of it’s creators: to create an amusing stir.
Sasko & Field demonstrate their wickedly fun senses of humor in the “About” section of their website. As to their financial ambitions for their new enterprise:
We somehow made it into business school and were both perfectly mediocre and that is why we are stuck running a business that loses money like crazy.
As far as the motivation behind the founding on their company, they listed their three main goals:
First, to create a fantastic new bathing suit that would grab attention and help those less endowed look more schmedium.
We applaud their efforts on behalf of the little guy. (And we do mean “little”.)
Second, they wanted to try to make enough money to cover all of their losses from other companies they have started.
While we don’t know what companies these two began prior to Brokini… we assume that those losses must be BIG. Way bigger than the little guys that are their current customer base (see above).
Finally, they wanted to cure Diabetes. So far only item number one has been achieved.
A lofty goal, fellas, but while you may not have cured diabetes, these brokinis sure are SAH-WEET*.
It’s never too early to start shopping for summer apparel, folks, so plan ahead & order your Brokinis for Summer 2021. If you dare.
And as far as sizing, if the brokini doesn’t fit, no biggie. The creators suggest that it’s not a design flaw, but it’s:
Probably because you are too well endowed. We suggest you find a less fortunate friend and gift them the Brokini.
Be sure to pick up a Brokini today. After all, their business proceeds just might be going towards a cure for diabetes… though based on their website’s profit calculator, probably not any time soon.