One of the weirdest things to adapt to once you become a mom is basically never being alone. Sure, you expect your kids to be around you 24/7; that’s part of the gig!
But eventually reality hits that even those formerly “private” moments simply aren’t so… private anymore. Even a solo trip to the bathroom at home can often become a group event when you’ve got kids.
And if nature should happen to call while you’re out and about, there’s the hell that is taking the whole crew with you- into the public bathroom stall.
One mom’s hilarious Facebook post perfectly illustrates how a seemingly simple stop at a public restroom with kids usually becomes a total shitshow (sometimes literally).
The scene starts with Mom and her four kids out shopping. Several of them need to pee, so a public restroom is found. Mom somehow manages to wedge herself, a double stroller with two kids, & two more children all into one stall.
(I’m already exhausted.)
Once they’re all inside the stall, the pee rotation begins. It starts with the twins, who pee together (is that a twin thing? Or just a boy thing? Maybe it’s a twin-boys thing?):
The twins go first and they have to pee at the same time while arguing about who is peeing the fastest and farthest and longest.
No one is winning that game, boys. NO ONE.
Next up is toddler Lilah, who although she spends considerable amount of time warming the seat, seems more content to report her observations to Mom about the bathroom rather than using it.
Meanwhile, Mom’s gotta pee. And after having four kids, her poor bladder is probably- look, Mom’s gotta pee NOW.
But for all Lilah’s time spent hogging the bowl, the only result is:
3 dribbles and two farts.
During this time, Mom has been holding the baby, Micah, who is squirming to get down on the nasty bathroom floor. While Micah is squirming, Mom is squirming, too; she’s doing the pee-pee dance, hardcore.
Finally, Mom’s turn has arrived. She’s finally getting to pee… as Micah crawls around on the nasty bathroom floor & Lilah continues her “observations”. Very loudly.
“you farting mommy? is it a fart or just a big poop?”
This urination episode is clearly stressful enough, but it just.gets.better.
Guess who show up??
AUNT FLO. Aunt Flo’s decided to pop on by, and the twins lose their ever-loving minds.
they shriek in terror with, “OHHHH MY MOMMY IS DYING” “HELP MY MOMMY BECAUSE HER PEEPEE IS BLEEDING TO DEATH”
-while they are clawing at the door like I have turned into a Zombie coming after them.
*cue the chuckles from adjoining stalls*
As luck would have it, poor Mom finds herself sans tampons.
Micah has departed at this point, crawling toward greener pastures (or grosser floor tiles) as Lilah:
has her head between my knees looking to see where my “boo boo” is because Doc McStuffins has fully certified and licensed her with her fucking PhD.
But here’s the best part, folks.
Micah returns to save the day!!
This little child had a tampon in his mouth (in the wrapping) while shrieking with joy.
Well, technically he “assisted” in saving the day, because Mom’s hero is actually another woman who has heard the ruckus & has hooked Mom up with a much-needed tampon.
I hear a “did you get it or did he eat it” come from outside the stall.
From the mouths of babes… literally.
And as Mom points out, it’s us women sticking together that helps us get through the insanity that is life with young kids.
Or as Mom put it,
THIS IS HOW WE SURVIVE PARENTHOOD.
We send tampon carriers in the form of toddlers to save each other in the bathroom and that is why us bitches have to stick together.
Mom attempted to thank her mysterious “Angel of Tampons”, but by the time she made her way out of the stall with her crew, her sanitary-product savior had disappeared.
Mom’s Facebook post is a hilarious reminder that even the simplest things in life become a bit more complicated when kids get involved. With 35K shares in only two days, it’s clear that while we feel her pain, we’re laughing along with it, too!